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Written by the 'Let's Write Blake's 7 Slash', Sunday 10am
Include the following phrases: Metal Stud Muffin, Bad Ass, Leather Sucker, High Heeled Planet Boots, Phallic Weapon, Cock and Load, Love Monkey,
Cowardly Custard, Steam Room of Doom, Primed Blasters, Slow Burn, Engine Judder, "Is that a ray gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"
Whose Monkey Is It Anyway?
(Or Monkey Business)
Tarrant is threatening Vila with scrubing out the steam room of doom because Vila just called Tarrant a leather sucker.
Vila says, "Get stuffed, Curly. I'm going to find my metal stud muffin."
Tarrant says, "You cowardly custard, come and get some now."
Suddenly there's an engine judder which throws Vila into Tarrant's arms. Avon falls on his arse due to his high heeled planet boots and gets a bad arse. Outside, a giant space love monkey has mounted the Liberator.
Zen squeaks into life - "Information. Ow! Use some lube next time. A giant space love monkey has mounted my rear thrusters. Do not send help."
Vila says, "That gives me an idea."
Avon raises his phallic weapon and says, "Touch him at your peril."
Tarrant and Vila look at each other and ask, "Who are you talking to?"
~
Meanwhile, inside the space love monkey, Travis is adjusting his eye patch, muttering to himself, "Cock and load."
The space love monkey ejaculates Travis up the Liberator's rear thrusters into the steam room of doom. Dayna and Cally are still using it. They act quick, tie Travis up, and angry they storm out and say to Avon, Tarrant and Vila, "If we get pregnant with little space love monkeys, you're paying monkey maintenance." Then they leave to get cleaned up. "Travis is all yours."
"All mine," shouts Tarrant.
The three rush in and Travis eyes them from the floor where he's tied up with pink furry bondage bracelets and says, "Is that a ray gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"
The three chorus, "Who are you talking to?"
Because they're overcome by monkey pheromones, Tarrant dives on to Travis, and says, "I luuuurrrvvve you."
Avon sniffs and says, "What's cooking?"
Travis says, "Me, I have a slow burn on my prime blaster."
Avon detaches Travis' arm and Tarrant punches him in the face with it. Travis squirms out from under Tarrant with an excessive amount of wriggling. Vila, who has been awaiting his chance, says, "No, no, he's mine," and all three chorus, "Who are you talking to?"
Avon fires his pallic weapon at Travis' primed blaster in Tarrant's hands. Tarrant drops the blaster, Travis picks him up and snogs him. Tarrant says, "Don't worry he's armless now."
Avon kisses Vila to shut him up, and Vila points out he hasn't said anything.
Suddenly, there's another engine judder as Zen and the space love monkey achieve simultaneous climax and a few new stars appear on Zen's viewscreen.
Suddenly the four guys leave the steam room of doom running. Travis is still carrying Tarrant, complaining about the weight he's put on. Behind them, the steam room of doom airlock door closes and the arm explodes with a big bang fusing the space love monkey to the Liberator. The explosion rocks the Liberator and as usual the boys all fall on top of one another in a tangle of eight legs, seven arms and four phallic weapons, all primed and ready to fire.
THE END!
