Chapter Five - ("Very few have seen what I've seen, even fewer have felt what I've felt.")
Twenty minutes later, Sonny was sitting
in orthopedics watching the technician prepare the inner sleeve of his
cast. Bri had seen, in black and white, the damage Strohe had inflicted
on his patient. Two of the smaller bones in Sonny's right wrist were
fractured. Bri had stared hard at the x-ray for a moment. That sadistic
bastard had succeeded in snatching away a large part of Sonny's
new-found independence. Bri could feel his anger building again.
Sonny looked so miserable as the
technician carefully pulled the soft material over his hand, wrist and
forearm. Six to eight weeks with his hand and wrist in a cast meant a
loss of his hard fought freedom. His disappointment had combined with
shock and exhaustion to leave him with no control over the tears that
slowly leaked from his eyes.
When Rico saw the tears, he'd had to
leave the room. In the corridor, he slammed his fist into the wall with
frustrated fury. He left a small dent in the wall and the stinging in
his hand made him try to shake it out.
Bri had followed Rico and heard the
detective quietly cursing under his breath. He touched a stiff
shoulder. When Rico looked up, Bri saw tears in his eyes as well.
"Why?" The question hung in the air.
Bri just looked at him and shrugged. "It
was a cowardly act, turning on a helpless man." Bri shrugged. "Strohe
obviously 'lost it' somewhere along the line." Tired, the doctor leaned
against the door-jam. "It's a set-back, I know. But it'll only push his
progress back a few days."
"But his swimming, his pushing himself around.... Walking on crutches even...."
"No. Listen," Bri tried to reassure him,
"it's a fiberglass cast, so it's not so critical that it stay
absolutely dry. We'll put a plastic bag over it, secure it at the elbow
and he'll be able to swim all he wants. Sonny's come so far. He'll
cope." He saw the exhaustion in Rico's features. "Look, you're both
upset and tired. Sonny's in mild shock. As soon as they've finished,
we'll get him back to his room. Get him something hot to drink and let
him get some sleep."
**
Rico sat and quietly watched Sonny
sleep. His partner was curled on his side, with his newly casted wrist
propped on a pillow in front of him. He was asleep but he shifted
restlessly, sometimes muttering softly.
Reaching gently for Sonny's left hand,
Rico gently stroked the fingers that clutched the stuffed alligator.
Where was the 'nursery magic fairy' when you really needed one? Rico
prayed Sonny was not having bad dreams.
The room darkened as the last of day's
light faded. Tomorrow, Sonny would face the questions of homicide
detectives, IAD investigators and have a chat with DeLelo. Rico was
grateful that Fielding had flatly informed the police that Detective
Tubbs had to be there during Sonny's questioning.
Rico woke with a start. Opening his eyes
he saw Sonny, by the light of the outside street-lamps, struggling to
get into his wheelchair on the other side of the bed. He was having
difficulty transferring himself from the bed to the chair. Sonny'd had
no time to become accustomed to the cast, he was weary and still in a
great deal of pain.
Rubbing sleep from his eyes, Rico sat up. "Sonny. Are you okay?"
"I just need to use the bathroom." He grouched in reply. "I'm fine."
Too damned tired to hear the warnings in
his partner's tone, Rico muttered, "Here, use the bedpan. You're in no
state to get out of bed tonight."
But Sonny seemed determined. "No. I can
manage." Rico frowned at the edge in his partner's voice. Sonny
continued, "I'm not a cripple."
Rico was mildly surprised by Sonny's
mood. "I'm not implying you are, Partner. But you've just had your
wrist fractured."
Sonny ignored him, and continued to
struggle. Giving up on trying to talk him out of it, Rico got up and
started to help Sonny into the chair. When Sonny first felt Rico's
hands on him, it warmed him. But Strohe's words were echoing through
his mind, still tormenting him.
Sonny shrugged Rico off, but his partner
could be just as determined. Rico was not going to let Sonny hurt
himself simply because he was being stubborn. Finally, Sonny
reluctantly accepted Rico's help. But he insisted on wheeling the chair
himself, even though Bri had advised against it.
Rico watched the bathroom door close.
Sonny was definitely unhappy. He glanced at his watch. It was way past
time for his partner to have his night meds, so he went out to the
nurses desk to ask for them.
As he struggled painfully in the
bathroom, Sonny felt his tears stinging his eyes. He was so tired. His
wrist hurt and his back ached. It would be so easy to call Rico, to get
the assistance he required and to get back to bed quickly. But again,
he heard Strohe's words, 'You're a child... helpless little woman....'
Harshly, he wiped the tears from his eyes. "I'm not a child! I can do
this myself."
What if there was something wrong with
him? Why couldn't he control his emotions? Why did he keep bursting
into tears like a baby? A terrible thought crept in. Maybe he had
suffered some sort of brain damage and had reverted to his childhood....
'You're a pitiful cripple!'
*I am a cripple. Why the hell does Rico
stay with me? It must be out of pity?* Sonny looked down at himself in
disgust. *He can't love me - he can't possibly find *this* attractive!*
'You're not a man....'
'You're a pitiful cripple!'.
Anger surged through Sonny. *Yeah, I'm a
cripple'* Sonny thought through utter misery. *And you've made it
worse, you bastard!* Abruptly, he brought the cast down heard against
the safety railings next to the toilet. White hot spikes of agony shot
through his wrist and arm. Sonny had to bite down on his cry of pain,
and squeeze his eyes shut against the rising flood of tears.
Eventually, Sonny backed himself out of
the bathroom and wheeled himself awkwardly back to the bed. His wrist
was starting to throb unbearably. He noticed Groggy tucked into the
sheets and pulled it out. The plush fur was soft against his skin and
for some reason made him think of safety and love.
'You're a child clutching at soft toys.'
Miserably, Sonny opened the locker door and threw the toy inside.
Rico opened the door to Sonny's room in
time to see the alligator being put away. Something was going on in
Sonny's head that Rico just could not figure. As Rico attempted to help
Sonny back into bed, he questioned him about Groggy. But Sonny just
shrugged it off.
Rico settled back into the chair and
watched Sonny trying to get comfortable. When the nurse came to give
Sonny his meds, for the first time, Sonny asked her what the pills
were. She explained that one tablet was a
pain-killer/anti-inflammatory, the other was a muscle relaxant. They
would help him sleep.
Sonny knew too well the effects that the
drugs would have on him. After a short time, the pain would go away,
and he would be able to sleep. They were effects he was powerless to
stop once he had taken the pills. But he remembered the confusion he
had felt during Strohe's first visit. What if he had been in that state
when Strohe had returned? Would the madman simply have shot him out of
disgust? Sonny was scared, beyond all reason, that it would all happen
again. That if he took the pills, he would be completely unable to
control anything that happened to him.
He looked up at the nurse. "I'm not in
pain." He lied. "I'll sleep fine." The feeling that he had rejected
something important bore down on Sonny. He closed his eyes, once again
fighting to stop the tears of misery that were threatening.
The nurse was surprised. Sonny had never
been a difficult patient before. Her concerned gaze met Rico's. He knew
as well as she did that Sonny was in pain. It was very obvious. Why
would he lie?
She gave Rico the pill cup, completely
against regulation. "Note what time he takes them." She kept her voice
low, not wanting any argument from the patient, and not wanting to
upset him. It was clear that something was wrong. Rico was the one to
try to sort it out. He nodded his understanding and watched the nurse
leave.
Sonny was shifting, unable to get comfortable.
"Sonny, do you want me to read to you?"
Sonny hesitated. He so wanted to say
yes. The sound of Rico's voice made him feel safe and secure, it also
would help him to sleep on a night he knew his dreams would be haunted
by Strohe's words. But he could heat that awful, mocking voice in his
head. 'You're a child...'
"No." He reluctantly gave his answer.
For a long while, Rico sat silently
listening to Sonny's breathing. His partner was not sleeping. Rico
thought that maybe Sonny needed to work things out, things about the
afternoon's incident. He wished Sonny would talk to him. The impact
Strohe could have had on his partner was enormous. Rico was sure that
Sonny had remembered Bodelle shooting him, or at least bits of it. From
what he had said to Rico - "I thought he shot me" - it sounded like
Sonny had relived the shooting right there and then.
After some time, the rhythm of Sonny's
breathing changed. He fell into an uneasy sleep. Exhausted himself,
Rico began to doze.
The sounds of Sonny, screaming in
terror, yanked Rico back to consciousness. His partner was huddled
against the pillows, partly sitting, beads of sweat sliding down his
forehead. He was muttering something over and over. Only when Rico
stopped and listened closely, could he hear the separate words. "...oh
god not again please not again oh god not again...."
Rico quickly sat on the bed and pulled
Sonny's shaking body into his arms. "Sonny, it's okay, it was just a
nightmare. It's okay." On first contact, Sonny was stiff in his arms,
but finally he gave in. He curled against Rico, his mutterings quieted,
and his trembling slowly ceased. Rico soothingly stroked his hand over
Sonny's hair, hugging him close.
When Rico thought the last images of the
nightmare had left his partner, he lifted Sonny's face to look into the
frightened and tired eyes. "What's been bothering you, Love?"
Sonny reached up and took Rico's hand.
He looked down at it, so dark against his own paling skin. It was the
first time Rico had called him by any affectionate phrase. To Rico, it
had just happened naturally. For Sonny, it lit a warm glow inside him.
Rico had kicked off his shoes. He pulled
the sheets around Sonny, ensuring he stayed warm. Patiently, he waited
for his partner to speak, somehow knowing that, eventually, he would.
Sonny started playing with Rico's
fingers. "Strohe... Strohe called me a cripple...." *Strohe called me
names - God, you sound pathetic.* "It's - it's not important, Rico."
"Sonny. Look at me." When his partner
did not raise his head, Rico kissed Sonny's forehead. Sonny looked up.
"This afternoon, you watched a man killed in front of you, a man who
was holding a gun to your head. Everything's important. Strohe's upset
you. He's dead and he's *still* making your life a misery. Tell me what
he said to you."
"He told me I wasn't a man. I was a
child playing with cuddly toys. He said I was covering for you, that I
was your helpless little woman." Tears of self-loathing began to roll
down Sonny's face. "Rico, I'm so scared. There's gotta be something
wrong with me. I can't control my emotions. I keep thinking maybe there
was some brain damage...."
Rico listened, shocked and angered at
what Strohe had said to Sonny. He could not believe that even Strohe
could have sunk to such depths. When Sonny crumpled in heaving sobs,
Rico gently rocked him in his embrace.
"Sonny, everything you're feeling is
natural." He gently rubbed Sonny's back. "Fielding told me that when
you're in constant pain and being medicated regularly, it's common for
your actual brain chemistry to change. It can alter your moods, your
personality. It can even affect your ability to control your emotions."
Sonny looked up at him with a glimmer of hope in his swollen,
tear-filled eyes.
"You've been through so much trauma,
Sonny. You're getting better." Rico continued to rock Sonny and rub his
back. "The pain will go away. The drugs will stop. As you heal, your
emotional state will stabilize. I promise."
"But Strohe said...."
"Don't think about what Strohe said."
Rico held Sonny tighter. "Just forget it. The man had cracked. You know
how much he hated you. If you weren't as strong as you are, you
wouldn't have come this far. You wouldn't have been able to cope with
the constant pain. You wouldn't push yourself forward the way that I've
seen you do." Rico was determined to get this through to Sonny. "You're
the most amazing man I have ever met. And I love you." He would keep
saying that to Sonny until he believed it.
Carefully, Rico let go of Sonny and
stood. Going around to the locker, he retrieved Groggy and returned to
the bed. Once again, sitting beside Sonny, he pulled him into his arms.
Rico put Groggy on the bed in front of them. "What does that toy mean
to you, Sonny?"
Sonny looked at Groggy, then up at Rico.
There was confusion in his drying eyes. "What do you mean?"
"You sit and play with it. You sleep with it in your hands. Why?"
"Because it... feels nice." He shrugged.
"I don't really know. Everything hurts so much, it's nice to feel
something soft...." Sonny picked up the toy. "It gives me something to
do with my hands I guess."
Rico nodded. "So what's wrong with that? Did it bother you before Strohe said anything?"
Sonny shook his head. "Stan and Gina,
everyone in the office - they gave him to me. And that...." He
indicated the bear sitting on the windowsill. "It was a present."
"Exactly. Forget what Strohe said. It's
your friends you need to be listening to. The people who care about
you. Like me."
Sonny thought for a while. "I'm sorry I
gave the nurse a difficult time about my pills." He fiddled with the
fur on Groggy's back. "It just scared me all of a sudden."
"What scared you?" Rico wasn't sure what this part was about.
"Not being in control." Sonny drew a
shaky breath. "What if I'd been drugged and asleep when Strohe arrived?
Like the first time."
"Oh, God, Sonny." It had never occurred
to Rico that Sonny would suddenly be afraid of his meds - out of
control - vulnerable. " No one's going to hurt you any more. Strohe's
dead. You're safe." He hugged Sonny tightly. "You need to take your
meds so you can rest and heal. Okay?"
Sonny was quiet for a while. "Did the nurse give you my pills?"
"Yeah. You don't lie very well for an undercover cop." Sonny smiled at Rico.
Once Sonny had taken the meds, he looked up at Rico. "Will you stay with me tonight?"
"Sure Sonny. I'm not going anywhere."
"I mean - " Sonny could hear that inner
voice, mocking him. But it was growing quieter, and he really wanted
this. "Will you hold me?"
Rico smiled. He slipped under the
sheets, on his back, and Sonny curled up around to him, his casted
wrist rested on Rico's stomach, his head on Rico's chest. "S'that
okay?" Sonny inquired, his words starting to slur.
Rico gently combed his fingers through Sonny's soft hair. "That's perfect."
****
First Homicide, then Internal Affairs
detectives spoke to Sonny the following morning. IAD had been
apologizing to Castillo since the incident occurred. As an apology to
Sonny, for their errant detective, they had paid for an electric
wheelchair to be made available to him until he was properly able to
use a manual chair again.
Rico sat quietly and listened to Sonny
twice recount what happened. He remembered it all, up until Strohe
pulling his gun. Past that, it was really a blur. He could remember
what was said, but not what happened.
Mike DeLelo arrived mid afternoon and
found only Rico in the room. Sonny had managed to persuade Fielding to
let him go swimming. Despite the friendship that existing between his
partner and DeLelo, Rico could not bring himself to get on with the
guy. Too many bad memories. After Sonny's three-month amnesia-induced
nightmare, DeLelo had not been entirely supportive. He had offered to
help Rico come to terms with the loss of his partner, but Rico had
insisted that he would continue working with Sonny. DeLelo had advised
that Sonny be suspended until the truth came out, even though Sonny's
doctor had said that the truth might *never* come out; Sonny may never
remember.
So Rico had done the only thing he could
think of doing. He threatened to resign unless Sonny was treated with a
little more respect. It'd had the right effect. Castillo had stepped in
and taken Sonny back to work - desk duty only. But it had given
Crockett something to take his mind off the three-month hole in his
memory.
Rico knew, however, that Sonny often met
Mike for a drink in the evening. Sonny was like that. He would see
through the facade that a lot of people built around them, to the
person inside. Sonny had liked what he had seen in DeLelo. Rico had to
admit to himself, that he was a little jealous of Mike. But Sonny did
not have boyfriends. Rico knew that his relationship with Sonny was new
ground as far as his partner was concerned. Mike was just a friend,
like Sonny's many other friends.
When DeLelo arrived, Rico remembered
that he owed the man an apology. Back when Sonny had just been taken
into surgery for the third time, Rico had let his anger loose on Mike.
He was not sure what he would have done if Stan had not have stepped
in. So Rico made his apology, and Mike told him that he had forgotten
the incident already. It had been a stupid question to ask. Rico's
reaction was exactly what he should have expected.
So with the truce in place, the two men sat down to wait for Sonny's return.
Sonny had other ideas. He did not want
to speak to DeLelo. He liked Mike. But as far as Sonny was concerned,
his personal privacy had been invaded enough lately. He planned to go
straight to the pediatrics unit after his swim.
Bri sat down by the pool. He admired his
patient's willpower and strength. This time yesterday, Sonny was
sitting almost catatonic on his bed, a dead body across the sheets in
front of him. The body of a man who had threatened to shoot him.
Fielding had also realized that Sonny must have remembered the night on
the docks, or at least some of it.
The doctor had been sitting in his
office, content that Sonny would speak to the psychiatrist about it,
when suddenly the same thought that had crossed Sonny's mind had
crossed his own. For two months Sonny'd had no privacy. He had woken
surrounded by invasive tubes. He'd had nurses and doctors prodding and
poking him. He had been bathed by strangers. And even now he had come
so far, his body was still being manipulated by the physical therapist.
His dignity and pride were as low as his self-esteem. He was not going
to sit and talk to a psychiatrist.
Fielding knew he had been wrong to
suggest it. In most cases it was the right thing to do. But not in
Crockett's case.
Sonny surfaced and looked over at
Fielding. Before he could speak, Bri pre-empted him. "You're not going
to talk to DeLelo, are you?" Sonny shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sonny. I
should have asked you. You were in no state to make any decisions
yesterday and I felt so guilty about what happened."
"I talked to Rico last night." He smiled
ruefully. "I don't want everybody knowing what's going on in my head.
It's the only part of me that's still a secret."
Bri looked up at the clock on the wall.
"Well, maybe we should let Rico talk to DeLelo, and you and I should go
get a coffee."
It was the first time Sonny had eaten or
drank outside his room in two months. The hospital canteen was a sight
for sore eyes. When he told this to Bri, the doctor said that maybe
they should start to get Sonny out more.
Even the coffee tasted heavenly. As they
sat together, Sonny finally asked his doctor what he had been wanting
to ask for weeks; when could he go home?
Fielding had been thinking about that
too. Sonny's insurance company was beginning to hassle the hospital
administrators about the cost of Sonny being kept there. But even
though Ben Waltham was no longer in the state, his influence remained.
Sonny was not going home until *he* felt that he was ready.
"Do you feel ready, Sonny?" Reluctantly,
Sonny said no, he did not. "I'll be a lot happier about discharging you
when you're walking using crutches. Until then, I don't think either
you or Rico could cope. I would like you to get out for a day-trip or
two. Maybe you and Rico could catch a matinee, or even just go for a
drive." He saw Sonny's face light up. "Rico drives. Obviously. I've
seen your car!"
Sonny nodded in agreement. "Sounds *great* to me."
"I understand you live on a boat?"
"Yeah...."
"Well, I spoke to Ben last night, do you
remember Ben Waltham?" The name was vaguely familiar, but Sonny could
not place it. "He was the neurosurgeon that operated on you." Sonny
nodded. He remembered. "He and I used to be quite close. He has a beach
house over on St. Andrews in the Bahamas. I asked him if it was okay
for you and Rico to stay there for a couple of weeks, once you were out
of here."
Bri found himself almost drowning in
Sonny's grateful gaze. "That would be incredible.... Is he sure?"
"He's very proud of you, Sonny. Your
recovery has been miraculous. And there's not a lot he wouldn't do if I
asked him." Bri smiled mischievously. He read the look on Sonny's face
and raised a halting finger. "I'm talking in several weeks, Sonny. When
you first get out, you'll have to spend at least five days at Rico's
place. There's no way you'll be able to manage on the boat. And, of
course, the physiotherapist will want to see you every day." Sonny
nodded reluctantly. "I think the best idea is for Rico to learn how to
do your exercises with you. That way you can continue doing them when
you're on the island."
In Sonny's mind he could picture himself
and Rico walking along the beach. He could almost feel the sun on his
skin. God, he missed feeling the sun. Finally, he brought himself back
to the present. "Thanks, Bri. I really appreciate it. You've done so
much already."
"Umm...." Fielding's gaze fell on Sonny's casted wrist. *I should have done more.*
DeLelo stopped pacing and glanced at his watch. "I'm gonna have to go."
Rico smiled. He, too, had finally
realized that Sonny was not going to talk to this man. Sonny was
probably in the pediatrics unit right now, reading to his new found
friends.
"Sonny, can we talk about what happened
yesterday?" Sonny frowned. "I know, I know, this is why you're here and
not sitting talking to DeLelo. But I think you remembered something
yesterday. And I think you should talk about that one thing."
Sonny thumbed his cast. "When Strohe
pulled the gun, I went back to that night, the night I was shot. I saw
Bodelle. I saw him pull his gun." Sonny looked up at Fielding. "I
remembered what I was thinking as he pulled the trigger. I thought he
was going to shoot Rico. See, Rico had been the main player, I was just
his partner in this one. That was why I wasn't going by the name
'Burnett', which I normally would. I saw the gun and I heard it go off.
And I felt the bullet hit me, like I'd been punched really hard. Then
there was a white-hot pain. And then nothing."
Bri watched him intently as he spoke.
Sonny seemed to have already worked all this through. "Do you want to
know what happened after that?"
"Rico told me everything up to my being shot."
"Did he tell you that he rescued you from the water?"
Sonny looked confused. "What water?"
"You fell over the edge of the docks,
into the ocean. Rico dived in after you and saved you from drowning. I
know this because when Rico arrived with you here, we tried to check
him out for hypothermia and shock."
"Tried?"
"According to the medic who took care of
him, he wouldn't stay in the treatment room. He was too concerned about
you."
Sonny absorbed this new information. Suddenly, there was somewhere else he wanted to be.
Sonny grinned at Tubbs as he found his
room empty except for his partner. Rico tried to scowl at Sonny. "How
could you leave me with him? You know how I feel about the guy!"
"Sorry, Partner. I decided sometime last
night that I wasn't going to talk to him. I thought Fielding would
freak. But he found me at the pool and bought me coffee."
Rico winced. "The stuff from the canteen?"
"Umm, yeah. Wonderful."
"Aw, Sonny, you really will have to get out more!"
Rico waited while Sonny used the
bathroom, then helped his partner back up onto the bed. "Fielding told
me that on the night I was shot, you rescued me from the water. And
when the medic here tried to check you over, you refused."
Rico sat down on the bed opposite Sonny.
"I was concerned about you. You would have done the same if it had been
me."
Sonny took hold of his partner's hand.
"I want you to promise me something." He looked directly into Rico's
eyes. "When we go back to work, you won't protect me. There's always
the risk that it's going to happen again. After yesterday, I don't know
what'll happen out there. I don't want you getting shot because...."
It dawned on Rico exactly where Sonny
was going with this. He leaned forward and silenced Sonny's lips with
his own. "Let's cross that bridge," he whispered, "when we come to it.
Okay?"
Sonny nodded, and leaned closer in the
hope that he could get a replay of the kiss. Rico's mouth gently
claimed his and Sonny felt a warm shiver run through him.
When the kiss ended, Rico stayed close. "Did Bri tell you about the beach house on St. Andrews?"
Sonny nodded. He should have known that
Fielding would have cleared the plan with Rico first. "It sounds
wonderful. Two weeks, alone with you. No nurses, no doctors, just me
and you. Sun, sand and surf."
"Are you okay with me doing your therapy?"
Sonny nodded. "If you don't mind." He
looked up into Rico's loving eyes. "You must be sick of all this."
Rico shook his head. "Never. I'm in this with you, in case you hadn't noticed."
Sonny smiled at Rico's use of the usual
phrases they used while they were working. Sonny thought back to those
too few confession-type conversations they would sometimes have. Too
tough to get too close, but still trying to tell each other the depth
of their feelings for one another.
There would be no more of those
carefully-worded conversations. Now Rico could tell Sonny that he loved
him, and mean it. And Sonny would know he meant it. Now, when they
wanted to touch, they could. When the only thing that could make the
pain go away, even just briefly, was a hug, they could hold each other
close.
****
Four days later Sonny's wrist was
x-rayed to ensure the bones were knitting properly. A week after Strohe
had almost killed him, Sonny was allowed back into his program of
regular physiotherapy.
But every night, after the meds had worn
off sufficiently, Sonny would wake screaming and sweating from the same
nightmare. In his dream, Sonny was sitting cross-legged on his hospital
bed. Suddenly, the room would erupt in flames. He was tangled in the
sheets, unable to move. He could not reach his wheelchair; it was just
out of reach. He legs simply would not respond. It did not take a
psychology degree to interpret the images.
Fielding tried to reassure Sonny. But in
his therapy sessions, Sonny was pushing himself harder and harder. He
wanted his independence back. He wanted to walk again.
The constant interruptions to Sonny and
Rico's sleeping patterns were starting to take their toll. After his
morning therapy sessions, Sonny was totally exhausted. He returned to
his room and would sleep through the afternoon. It was only at night,
in the dark, that the nightmare haunted him.
This had been going on for five days,
when Martin Castillo dropped in to see his detective. He had seen how
drained Rico looked the day before and remarked on it. Rico had
explained about Sonny's nightmares. So Martin had brought Sonny a
present.
It was shortly after lunchtime when
Castillo arrived. Sonny'd had his midday meds about an hour before, and
was sleeping. Fielding spotted the Lieutenant just outside the door of
Sonny's room.
"Lieutenant, how are you?" They shook hands.
"Fine, thank you." He nodded toward the door. "Can I visit?"
"Certainly, just go quietly." Bri
advised. "Don't make any sudden moves or loud noises. Strohe really
shook him up. When he wakes, try to stay in his line of sight until
he's completely alert."
Castillo nodded.
It was the first time Martin had seen
Sonny sleeping on his back. He must have been exhausted. Martin reached
down and took Sonny's left hand gently into his. Sonny's eyes opened
slowly, he smiled. "Marty...."
Castillo sat carefully on the edge of the bed. "You're having trouble sleeping?"
"Umm... bad dreams."
"IAD has been very apologetic. But I
thought I could do something constructive." Martin picked up the small
box he had placed on the windowsill. He opened it as Sonny watched with
curious eyes. Inside was a small, ceramic globe and a tiny night-light
candle. Martin placed the candle on the bedside locker, and lit it.
Then he placed the globe over the candle. The small, cut-out areas of
ceramic were done in the shape of stars and moons. It was difficult to
see the effect of the shapes in the light, but at night, they would
project on to the walls and ceiling.
"It's a smokeless candle, so no problem with hospital regulations."
Sonny looked at the present in wonder. "Thank you."
Martin blew out the candle. "I hope it
helps." He turned his attention back to Sonny. "How are you feeling,
Sonny?"
"Okay."
Martin frowned at him. "You don't have to do that."
Sonny smiled. "Habit. Sorry. I'm sick of
this place - desperate to get out of here." Martin watched him as he
sat up, and tried to find a comfortable position. "*But*," Sonny
continued, "the therapist says that maybe in a another few days I can
start practicing with crutches."
"Anything you need?"
"Decent food? Only joking." Martin
smiled at his detective. He could not shake the image of Sonny lying in
the recovery room the night it all started. Needing to be closer, he
took Sonny's hand again.
"Please, Sonny. Don't do this to me again."
Sonny saw the expression on his boss's
face. His voice softened. "Marty, I'm okay. Honestly. Rico's doing...
everything. He's wonderful. I don't know what I'd have done without
him." He met Martin's gaze. "Hey, maybe you could persuade him to go
back to work. He really should...."
Castillo instantly shook his head. "Not
yet. It's too early. I don't want him on the street. He'd be too
preoccupied." He gently squeezed Sonny's hand. His detective shifted
again. He obviously was not comfortable, but Martin was only going to
help if Sonny asked him. "You need Rico here. And he needs to be here
with you. He does some paperwork when he comes in in the mornings."
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Recover. You're not working until
you're cleared by the doctors and ready to work." He squeezed Sonny's
hand. "Rest. Relax. Get better for us."
Sonny retrieved a squashed Groggy from
under him. Martin smiled when he saw it. "Is that what Stan brought
you?" Sonny nodded and handed the stuffed toy to his boss. "He brought
the giant bear to the office with him, but I thought I saw something
green with it as well. He's got quite an imagination. If he'd left it
to me, I would have brought you grapes."
"Grapes!" Sonny perked up. "Marty, I
long for grapes." Martin smiled and handed Groggy back. "There's a boy
in pediatrics, Jamie. He's kinda fond of it. I figured I'd give it to
him, when I eventually get out of here." Sonny smiled. "'Sides, if I
take it home, Elvis'll only eat it." His boss chuckled. "Have I had any
phone calls?"
"Hundreds," Castillo nodded, "literally."
Sonny frowned, suddenly feeling very helpless. "I'm sorry, so many things I should be doing...."
"Don't apologize! We're lucky to have
you here, we're just thankful for that. I hadn't realized how popular
'Burnett' is. You won't want to come back when you see the growing
mountain of paperwork on your desk."
Sounding a bit like Homer Simpson, Sonny remarked, "Ummmmm, paperwork....".
Through the following week, Sonny's
therapy sessions became more intense as he tried to walk with the
crutches. At Sonny's request, Rico started attending some of the
sessions with him. Rico experienced first-hand the pressure that Sonny
put on himself during these sessions. Sonny wanted to walk using
crutches - that was the current goal.
While he still had the electric
wheelchair, Sonny spent a couple of afternoons in the pediatric unit.
Being with the kids was something else that had made the last month
bearable. They would line up, taking turns, sitting on Sonny's lap as
he took them for a 'ride'. For Sonny, it was worth the exhaustion just
to see the smiling faces, especially Jamie's.
As Rico learned to do Sonny's
physiotherapy, it became obvious to him just how tiring the exercises
were. The therapist warned him to keep a close eye on Sonny. During the
first week, when he had collapsed at the parallel bars, it had been
because she was not used to reading him. Sonny was just too good at
times, at hiding the strain and pain. It was important that Rico
remember that. Rico assured her that he too was becoming an expert at
reading Sonny's reactions.
For Sonny and Rico, it was a painful
struggle. Sonny tired quickly and usually pushed himself to the brink
of exhaustion. Rico hated to see his partner in pain, and always urged
him to stop when it became clear Sonny was over-doing it.
But when Sonny walked unaided, except
for his crutches, from one side of the therapy room to the other, it
had been worth all the effort and all the agony.
****
Sonny turned the water off in the shower
and reached around the curtain for the towel. Drying off quickly, he
reached for the clean pajamas he had left on the counter. What the...?
He blinked in surprise as he encountered different clothes than he had
brought in with him.
Opening the curtain, he stood carefully
and looked at what he had found. A pair of tan chinos and a pale blue
polo shirt were waiting for him. Rico must have brought them in while
he was showering, but he had no idea why. Not having much choice,
either the towel or these new clothes, Sonny dressed quickly. They fit
well. Grabbing his crutches, he left the steamy bathroom.
Rico was waiting for him. "Looking good,
Sonny." He held up a pair of leather Dockers and socks. "Want some help
with these?"
"Rico," Sonny settled on the edge of the
bed, "what's the occasion? Why am I dressed in this stuff?" He accepted
the shoes and socks but made no move to put them on.
"Well," Rico's grin got even wider, "I
thought you might want to wear something besides pajamas for a ride in
the Ferrari."
"What?" Sonny was flabbergasted. "You
mean I get to escape this place?" It hadn't sunk in quite yet.
"Well, Bri felt it was time to get you
out of here for a while." Rico saw the realization finally hit Sonny.
"Only for the day." He shook his finger at his now nearly glowing
partner. "And Bri wants to check you out before we go."
Bri insisted on accompanying Sonny, an
expert now with his crutches, out of the hospital to the curb. Rico had
gone ahead to bring the car up to the entrance. The doctor would have
felt a lot happier about this if Sonny was using the wheelchair, at
least then there would be less of a chance that Sonny would over-extend
himself. But he had to be practical. Sonny owned a Ferrari Testarossa.
Engine in the boot, carrying space for a small rodent under the hood.
There was no way the chair was going in the car, and Rico had assured
Bri that taking Sonny's beloved Ferrari would make his patient a very
happy man.
"Sonny," Bri was really trying to
impress this on his favourite patient, "if you have any problems - too
much pain, spasms or cramps - I want you back here as soon as possible.
Okay?" Sonny nodded but Bri was not sure he was really paying
attention. And as they waited for the elevator to reach the lobby, he
turned and caught Sonny's eye. "I'm serious, Sonny. If you overdo it
and hurt yourself, you'll be stuck here even longer than anticipated.
Understand?"
"Yes, Bri," Sonny rolled his eyes and
started off the elevator. "I won't overdo it. If I have any unusual
pains, or spasms or cramps, I'm to get back here pronto." The automatic
doors at the entrance opened and Sonny found himself smiling in the
sunshine.
Bri shook his head, but smiled. This was
a good idea. Sonny needed to get out for a while. Rico and the Ferrari
appeared and Sonny's eyes sparkled. Freedom *and* his car.
Rico jumped out to help Sonny get in and
Bri handed him a card with a couple of numbers written on it. "My
direct line here at the hospital and my pager number." He held the
crutches and Rico helped Sonny get settled in the passenger
seat. "Any problems, give me a call
and then get him back here. Okay?"
"You bet." Rico couldn't help but smile.
Sonny was so happy to be 'escaping' this place. "What about his meds?"
"All taken care of," Bri handed Rico a
prescription envelope. "I know he won't want to 'sleep' the afternoon
away, so there are two half-doses in there. If he's okay, he can take
just one dose at lunch. If he needs more, give him the second dose but
at that point it would probably be best to wait until he gets back
here."
"Come on, Rico," Sonny remarked impatiently. "The day's a wastin'."
Sonny was squinting at the scenery, when
Rico tapped him on the shoulder. "Almost forgot," Rico handed him his
sunglasses and turned back to driving.
"Thanks." He slipped them on and smiled. He could almost pretend everything was back to normal.
"So," Rico started, a few moments later,
as they waited for the light to change, "any particular places you'd
like to go? Or do you want to just drive around for awhile? Or...?"
"Hmmm," Sonny considered. He had not
really thought much beyond just getting the hell out of the hospital
for a while. "Can't think of any place special at the moment. Whatever
you want to do is fine with me." He settled back in the seat.
Rico nodded and they headed south on the
highway out of the city staying along the coastline. He and Bri had
discussed some possibilities. The doctor had ruled out visiting OCB. He
did not want Sonny going there just yet. They wanted this to be a
relatively stress free day.
Rico followed the highway out of Miami
and down to Kreggie Point, one of Sonny's favourite spots. Rico knew
his partner often brought the St.Vitus down here. There was not much
around, a small marina with a couple of boats moored, a closed-down
ice-cream parlour, and several wooden benches.
With the aid of the crutches and his
partner, Sonny clambered out of the low car and hobbled over to one of
the benches. Just to smell the fresh air, and to feel the breeze
blowing was amazing - at once familiar and foreign. It seemed strange
that having been cooped up in the hospital for so long. The things he
missed were the things that he used to take for granted - including his
car. As Rico drove, Sonny had felt pangs of jealousy - he treasured his
car, not because it was expensive and extremely sexy-looking, but
because he enjoyed driving it. He enjoyed the power beneath the hood.
Sonny desperately wanted to be able to
drive again, to feel *his* car respond to him. Sitting watching the sun
glinting off the ocean, he thought about the hundreds of things he was
not going to be able to do for a long, long time. In the hospital, he
realized, he had only ever thought about what he *could* do, the
multitude of abilities he had claimed back over the months he had been
in there. Now he could only seem to think about how far he still had to
go.
Sitting beside his partner, Rico stayed
quiet, allowing Sonny time to adjust. But when he saw tears start to
fall, he moved closer and reached an arm around Sonny's shoulders. He
still did not speak. Over the time he had spent nursing and supporting
Sonny, he had leaned when to comfort, and when to simply be there.
After a short time, Sonny drew in a deep breath and turned to Rico. "I'm sorry."
Rico shook his head, "Nothing to apologize for."
"It just hit me, how far I still had to
go. I thought I'd accomplished so much, but I haven't. I'm still so
dependant, so useless...." He frowned. "So depressing to be with." The
words were quiet, but Rico heard them clearly.
"Sonny, you have no idea how far you've
come, do you? Three months ago I walked into the hospital Recovery room
and sat by your side. The only reason they allowed us into that room
was because you were dying. Do you understand? You weren't gonna make
it, no one believed you were going to live." He made sure he had
Sonny's full attention. "And on the off-chance that you did make it
through the operations, the chances of you not being paralyzed and not
being brain damaged were hardly even existent. Now look at you. Not
only are you alive, you're awake, you're walking and talking. It's a
miracle you're here. God, Sonny, you couldn't have come any further any
faster!"
Sonny was staring at him. "I just keep thinking I should be pushing myself harder."
"I know. But you're doing so well that
you've gotta be careful that you don't overdo it. You'll be out of
hospital soon. I think the stay on the beach'll do us both good."
Sonny smiled. "I can't wait."
They sat silently, comfortably,
listening to the water against the coast. After a while, Sonny felt
himself being watched. "What's up, Partner?"
His partner was thinking. "Sonny, are
you comfortable with this relationship? With us, now? Out here."
"What d'you mean? Why should out here be any different?"
"I dunno.... I'm afraid I keep
remembering what you told me that night at the garage, about Evan and
Mike Orgell. Your reaction to Orgell being gay." Sonny gave that small,
knowing smile of his. It had been too long since Rico had seen that
smile.
"That was a long time ago, Rico. I was
very young, very innocent I guess. I know how I feel. And I think I
know how you feel. The night I told you about Evan, and I found you in
that nightclub - you left that girl and came after me. You were so
wonderful that night, Rico. I dropped you home, and you got out of the
car, and for one, fleeting moment, I felt something.... I don't know.
But I've never forgotten it. I love you. That's all there is, but it's
all I'll ever need."
"Are you sure?"
Sonny gave Rico a sideways glance.
"What's wrong? After everything we've been through lately.... Are you
having second thoughts?"
"No!" Rico shifted closer to Sonny, touched him. "But I know you never saw yourself as gay...."
Sonny shrugged. "You're right there. I
still don't.... But that doesn't stop me wanting you and loving you.
Believe me, Rico, I never thought I'd be where I am now, but I'm glad
I'm here."
They had lunch at a quiet cafe on the
way back to Miami. Real food that tasted good. A real treat for Sonny.
By the time they reached the hospital, Sonny was exhausted, but happy.
Bri met the car at the curb with a
wheelchair, apparently expecting Sonny to be drained from his day out.
The doctor fussed about him, but Sonny insisted he was fine, just a
little tired. He really was exhausted because he accepted a ride in the
wheelchair without protest. Once he was back in his bed, Sonny fell
asleep without the aid of the meds.
The doctor watched his patient, noting
the contented smile on his face. He shook his head. Sometimes he found
himself wondering who was going to have more difficulty backing off, he
or Rico.
***
Bri paused at the door. It was going to
seem strange to come to the Trauma Unit and not stop to check on Sonny.
His favorite patient would be gone by tomorrow afternoon - his miracle
patient. He sighed and knocked politely.
There was a muffled, "Come in."
When he pushed open the door, he found
Sonny sitting on the edge of the bed sorting through cards and
envelopes. "So how's my favorite patient this afternoon?"
"Just great, Doc." Sonny smiled. He
really did feel like a kid waiting for Christmas. He waved a hand at
the mess on the bed. "I thought Rico had taken all the cards and stuff
with him yesterday and today, but I found this bunch stashed in the
bottom of the bedside table." He paused for a moment. "Didn't realize
that I was so popular."
Bri glanced around the room. It seemed
bare, sterile, now that Sonny's stuff was mostly gone. "Well, looks
like you're all packed up."
"Yeah," Sonny grinned. "So any idea what time I can expect to be sprung from this place, Bri?"
"Well, I want to do one final exam." He
saw Sonny roll his eyes. "Then there's the office and their paperwork -
I'd say probably around 10 - 10:30."
"Good," Sonny nodded, "I'll let Rico
know." He managed to shuffle the mess into two piles. Grabbing his
crutches, he stood and picked up one pile and dropped in
unceremoniously into the garbage can. The other pile he took over to
one of the bags sitting by the locker and stuffed into the side pocket.
Bri watched Sonny. He knew better than to offer to help. "So where is Rico?"
"He took a load of my stuff to his
house." Sonny made his way back to the bed and sat. He waved a hand at
Bri indicating he should have a seat. "Then he said he was stopping by
the station." Sonny snorted. "Oh, yeah, he also has to stop and pick me
up something to wear. My stuff doesn't fit at the moment."
Bri nodded. He had nearly forgotten that
Rico had asked him about bringing in a dinner for Sonny on his last
night in the hospital. Hopefully, Sonny would eat well. Pulling the
visitor chair close to the bed and Sonny, Bri sat. "Sonny, there's
something else we need to discuss."
"Sure." He looked expectantly at the doctor, who had become a friend as well.
"Actually, it's a two fold subject." Bri
hoped Sonny would be okay with this. "First, as you know, when you were
admitted, you were given numerous units of blood and plasma." Sonny
nodded, not quite seeing where this was leading. "Although all blood
and blood products are thoroughly screened and tested, there is always
a minute chance of contamination with each unit given. With the number
you were transfused with, the chance increases."
Sonny nodded. Now, he seemed to know where this was heading.
"I'm talking about HIV/AIDS." Sonny
nodded once again. "You've already been given a routine test for HIV
and the results were negative. You'll need to be tested in six months
and once again six months later. If your negative at that point, you're
basically considered clear."
"Okay." Not the world's greatest news,
but not completely unexpected or devastating. "And the second part?"
Sonny asked.
"Well," Bri was not going to beat around
the bush on this one. "You and Rico are going to have to practice safe
sex." He saw Sonny's eyes widen and then a blush tinged his face.
"Sonny, this is to protect Rico." Bri knew that Sonny would listen if
it concerned his partner's safety. "You're going to need to wear a
condom. And he won't be able to... go down on you."
"Oh, umm...." Sonny was obviously
uncomfortable now. "I... uh... understand." He wasn't looking at Bri
anymore, instead he was picking at the foam cushion on one of his
crutches.
"Do you have any questions?" Bri
wondered if there was something more was going on than Sonny being
worried about AIDs and safe sex. "Rico and I have already discussed
this." Sonny looked up. "Back when you were recovering from the skin
graft procedure. He understands the need for the precautions." Sonny's
eyes dropped again.
"Sonny, the actual possibility that
you're infected is very slight after all is said and done." Bri hoped
to alleviate any worries his patient had. "This is just taking
reasonable precautions. Okay?"
"Sure."
Sonny still seemed uncomfortable, but
Bri did not have a chance to dwell on it as his pager beeped at that
moment. Glancing at the readout, he stood up. "Look, I've got to go."
He gave Sonny's shoulder a brief squeeze. "If you have any questions or
concerns, you know how to get a hold of me." At the door, Bri looked
back at his patient still seated on the bed. "You okay?"
"I'm fine." Sonny smiled. "Really." But his smile faded as the door closed.
When Rico arrived with several bags, a
box and a basket, he was too relieved to have gotten everything to
Sonny's room without dropping anything to notice, at first, that Sonny
was very quiet. His selection of a pale green henley shirt to go with
the white linen slacks were greeted with a smile and thanks from his
partner.
"And now for a treat," Rico began. Sonny
smiled expectantly. "We're going to have a picnic supper right here in
your room as a celebration of your last night in the hospital." He
handed Sonny the basket. "Why don't you dig the cloth out of there?"
Rico started rummaging through the box.
"Do you want to do this on the floor or on the
bed?" Offering his partner the choice,
though he knew it would likely be more comfortable for Sonny on the bed.
"The floor." Sonny pulled the drop cloth
out and shook it open. Rico helped to spread it on the floor. Then
lending an arm to hold onto, Rico watched as Sonny settled himself on
one side of the cloth, leaning against the bed. "So what're we having?"
He sniffed the air appreciatively. "Smells good." He finally seemed to
be getting into to the mood.
"Well, I thought we'd have something
special." First he retrieved a white tablecloth and spread it over the
center of the drop cloth. Then, Rico reached into the basket and pulled
out flatware, cloth napkins, plates, water glasses and wineglasses.
Sonny frowned at the glasses.
"Rico," he started. "It's a nice thought, but I can't have - "
But his partner cut him off, "I know. No
alcohol. Not to worry. Okay?" Sonny nodded. Rico then pulled out a pair
of candle sticks and holders setting them up on the cloth. Sonny
watched as Rico put together an elaborate table setting for a 'picnic'
dinner. He filled their water glasses with chilled spring water from a
small cooler that had been tucked into one of the bags.
"I stopped at Abrucci's." Sonny's
eyebrows raised. It was one of the best, most expensive seafood
restaurants in the Miami area. "Now to start us off," Rico reached into
the box and pulled out an insulated container. "We've got Clams Casino,
followed by Frutta Del Mar."
The meal was delicious. And Rico was
pleased. Sonny seemed to be getting some of his appetite back. He was
still nibbling at a piece of Focaccia, when Rico announced. "For later,
I have a great dessert for us to share. They said it was a house
specialty." Sonny groaned and dropped the bread.
"I can't eat another bite." He had not
eaten this much in a very long time. "I'll explode." Rico grinned.
"But Sir," he started, in an atrocious British accent, "it's just one wafer thin mint."
Sonny chuckled. "Seriously, it was a
great meal, Partner. Thanks." Then he shifted uncomfortably on the hard
floor. Rico noticed.
"Look, I'll clean this up." He stood and held out his arm for Sonny to pull himself up on.
After his partner was seated on the bed,
Rico picked up their wineglasses and set them on the bedside table.
Handing a bottle of chilled sparkling white grape juice to Sonny, he
suggested. "Why don't you open that while I take some of this out to
the nurses?"
Sonny was just pouring as Rico returned.
He handed a glass to Rico as he sat down on the edge of the bed. As
they raised their glasses, "To being discharged." Sonny toasted.
Rico grinned. "To the future." They
touched glasses and drank the light sparkling liquid. Rico noticed a
flicker of something dark in Sonny's eyes.
"Sonny, what's wrong?" Rico could see there was something bothering his partner.
"It's nothing, really."
"It's not nothing...." Rico frowned.
"There's been something bothering you all evening." He set his glass
down and took Sonny's hand in his. "You can talk to me. You should know
that by know."
Sonny sighed. "Bri spoke to me earlier.
He told me about the HIV risk, with all the blood they had to give to
me...."
"It's a tiny risk, Sonny."
"That's not it." Sonny shook his head.
"I know there's a risk, I understand that. But Bri also said he'd
spoken to you about... us. Being careful."
Rico nodded, smiling in amusement. "He
did broach the subject, or tried to. he was really nervous about
talking to me. He wasn't sure what stage our relationship was at."
Sonny frowned, looking away. "I think he
found his courage. He basically told me that we had to practice safe
sex; that I had to wear a condom and that you couldn't give me a
blow-job."
Rico's eyes widened. "Straight to the
point then?!" Sonny nodded, he was not smiling. Rico looked at him
closely. "What's up? So we have to be careful." Rico could not figure
what was going on in his partner's head. "It doesn't bother me, if
that's what you're worried about."
"Rico, exactly what stage do you think
our relationship is at?" Sonny was studying their clasped hands, not
looking directly at his partner.
The question sent shivers of cold dread
through Rico. "Sonny... I thought... after you said you loved me...
after we kissed."
"It was just a kiss," was Sonny's quiet reply.
Shocked and upset, Rico stared at his
partner. Sonny was not even looking at him. "Do you mean that?" He
could not keep the hurt from his voice.
"No...." Sonny looked up, his gaze still troubled.
Relief flooded through Rico. "Then what is it?"
"I don't...." Sonny's voice trail off.
He dropped his eyes, suddenly finding the glass he was still holding to
be fascinating. Rico wrapped his hand over Sonny's fingers careful of
the edge of the cast.
"Sonny?" He gently took the glass from
his partner's hand and set it aside. Sonny finally looked up. "Talk to
me. Please." Rico held onto both of his friend's hands tightly.
"I don't want you to feel obligated to
stay with me." Rico blinked in surprise. Sonny continued, in a rush now
to get it all stated. "You can't possibly find me physically attractive
anymore. I mean, I'm too damned skinny. I've got these scars and...."
He swallowed hard. "I don't want you to stay with me out of pity or
some sense of duty.... I love you and that won't change. But you need
to get on with your own life and stop being burdened with me."
With that said, he tried to pull his
hands away from Rico's. His eyes were bright with unshed tears.
But Rico would not let go of Sonny's
hands. "Sonny, I'm going to keep saying this until you believe it." He
gave his partner's hands a firm squeeze, "I *love* you. You are not a
burden to me." He looked directly into Sonny's stormy green eyes.
"*And* you are one sexy and attractive guy. Haven't you noticed the
physiotherapy aide, Karen, I think is her name, checking you out?"
A tear slipped unheeded down Sonny's cheek. "But - "
"No buts about it." Rico interrupted. He touched a finger to the wet
track on Sonny's face. Then suddenly he snickered. "Well, actually, it
*is* your butt she's been watching."
Sonny started to blush and Rico grinned
in amusement. "I never thought I'd see you shy about the ladies,
Partner."
Finally, Sonny looked up. "I've never done this before, Rico. I've never been with a guy...."
"Sonny, Love, when we're ready, I'll show you."
Sonny still looked so miserable. "It's
just, when Bri said it, it sounded so... impersonal. Like we were just
gonna screw each other senseless."
Rico had to suppress the laugh.
"Sonny.... " He could not keep the amused smile off his face. "I'm
sorry...."
Sonny looked at him, fighting his tears.
Rico saw the expression in his eyes and the mirth was gone. He moved
closer on the bed next to his partner. "Sonny...."
Sonny looked straight at him -
confession time. "I'm scared, Rico." His desperation was clear in his
voice. "The only time I've ever been with a guy, I was raped. And it
hurt, Rico. It really hurt." Rico was shocked. He never imagined that
Sonny would be equating them making love to what happened to him at the
Dome.
"Sonny, what happened to you, and what
we could share, are two completely different things. I know Cintaro
hurt you, I should have realized.... I'm sorry." Rico put his hands on
Sonny's shoulders. "I promise that I won't hurt you. I promise that we
will take things as slow as you want, as slow as you *need*. We won't
do anything you're not ready for. And we don't do anything you're not
comfortable with."
At last, Sonny relaxed. He leaned into Rico, taking his hands. "I know it's stupid...."
"Sonny, it's not stupid. Everything
you're feeling is natural. You were raped, for God's sake. You've dealt
with victims of rape. You know the consequences. Don't for one minute
think that I've forgotten what you've been through, what I was partly
responsible for...."
"No...."
"Yes. Sonny, I would love to screw your
brains out. But when we make love, it'll be a two way thing." He placed
a gentle, sensuous kiss on Sonny's mouth. "And I promise you, you'll
want it just as much as me. So don't worry about it, okay?"
This time it was Sonny who claimed Rico's mouth, taking him in a deep kiss of relief and thanks.
*****
EXCERT FROM MIAMI TRIBUNE
"Miracle cop goes home. In five days,
Vice Detective Sonny Crockett will perform a miracle, he will go home.
"Three months ago, this paper reported
that Detective Crockett was rushed to the hospital with five gunshot
wounds from a drugs bust that went sour. Suffering massive internal
injuries, including a bullet lodged against his spine, Crockett was not
expected to survive the first night. But with the support of family,
friends and colleagues from the Metro Dade Vice Dept., Sonny not only
survived, he's being released. He'll be walking out of the hospital on
crutches, but he's expected to make a full recovery."
"The doctors at the hospital are calling
the detective's recovery 'a miracle.' Dr. Bri Fielding, Chief Trauma
Specialist and Internist, Crockett's physician, told us, "When Sonny
was first admitted, he was so weak he couldn't breathe on his own. To
look at him now.... It's incredible that he's come this far, this
fast.""
"Detective Crockett has a long way to go
before returning to work. But everyone here at the Tribune would like
to wish him all the best."
***************************************
Chapter Six