Four - ("There's nothing you can do when you're next in line...")


      Sonny simply watched Rico as his partner read aloud to him. He was eternally grateful for Rico just being here with him.

      Sonny had been transferred out of the intensive care unit on Tuesday morning. Bri admitted that he could not believe they had come this far in just over three weeks. For someone who was not expected to make it through the first night, Sonny had made remarkable progress.

      He still hurt. Sometimes the muscle spasms, and the hypersensitivity caused by the nerve trauma, left Sonny in excruciating pain. But the only time he ever complained was to Rico and even that was rare. Sonny did not want to burden Rico further. He felt it was unfair that so much had fallen on Rico's shoulders during all this. He was so damned dependent - needy all the time, it seemed. So he remained silent during the worst of the painful episodes. Even to the nurses when they bathed him - which he hated - he was as courteous as he could be under the circumstances.

      Sonny had been taken off the morphine pump and now his meds were administered by injection. Bri had promised that in a few days they would offer him the option of taking the pain-med orally. There were advantages and disadvantages to the oral meds. The injections were extremely fast acting, but they meant Sonny felt like a pin-cushion after awhile and they tended to wear off faster. While the effect of the oral meds lasted longer, they also took longer to take effect.

      Now it was Wednesday night and they were waiting for the nurse to come and give Sonny his last medication of the day. The current book was "Sleeping Murder", and Rico figured that he must be tired because it was beginning to get to him slightly. The plot was revolving around a woman who had just moved into a house and was supervising the improvements. But the old house was familiar to her, even though she swore she had never been there before, and whatever improvements she tried to make, someone had been there before her.

      Rico had become so engrossed in the book, that the nurse's arrival startled him. Sonny winced as the injection was administered. He hated needles. Once the nurse had gone again (they had given up asking Rico to leave long ago), Rico put the book down and reached out to stroke Sonny's hair. His partner's hand was already beginning to relax. "Good night, Sonny." Carefully, he leaned over and kissed Sonny's forehead. "Sweet dreams."

      Sonny's breathing lengthened into its sleeping rhythm. Rico stood. He usually tried to get some sleep now. Sonny would sleep until 5-5:30. Rico would be back then.

      Tomorrow saw the start of the Bravara case. Rico had explained to Sonny that would only be away from him for a few hours. That Stan would be here. Sonny would not be alone. He had seemed to understand.

      Rico knew Sonny hated being in here. He hated being bathed by the nurses every morning. The catheter had finally been removed a couple of days after the skin graft. Sonny had more than appreciated that little favour. He had little privacy as it was. He badgered Bri constantly to be allowed to use the shower, complaining the bed baths were demeaning. Sonny was trying to hang on to the shreds of pride he still possessed. But it was not easy.

      He was firmly on the road to physical recovery. But he was also fighting an enormously daunting battle with his emotions, his fears and the ever present threat of depression. The best Rico could do for Sonny was to be there for him. He tried to reassure Sonny as often as possible that he would *always* be there for him. Rico prayed he was strong enough for the both of them.

      Rico woke suddenly. He glanced at his watch. 1:57 am. He tried to think what had woken him. An image flashed to mind. Pink gloves. He remembered reading about pink gloves in that novel, 'Sleeping Murder'. After everything he had been through, and everything he had seen, he was having nightmares about an Agatha Christie novel. Rico shook his head. He must be losing it.

      He sat up and rubbed his eyes. The doctors' lounge was empty. The hospital must be busy tonight. He thought about Sonny. His partner would surely still be sleeping, but now Rico was awake, he might as well go and check on him.

      Sonny's room was dark. From the light in the corridor, Rico could make out that Sonny was still lying with his back to the door, just as he had been when Rico had left him sleeping. But he was not asleep. Rico had spent so long with Sonny while he slept, while he was awake, while he was in pain. The different sounds of his breathing were imprinted in Rico's mind forever. He was awake, and he was crying.

      Rico moved into the room, letting the door close. The only light now came from the street lights below, through the semi-shuttered blinds. "Sonny." Rico sat down at the head of Sonny's bed and captured his partner's hand in his, gently stroking his hair. "Sonny, tell me what's wrong? Do you want me to get the nurse?"
      Sonny moved his head, "Rico...."
      "I'm here." Rico gently touched Sonny's cheek. He could feel the wetness of Sonny's tears. "Are you in pain?"
      Sonny moved his head again. "No...." Sonny's fingers closed around Rico's hand. "I'm scared.... I'm so confused... can't think clearly...."
      Rico ached for his partner. "It's the medication...."
      "No... can't remember things.... Why can't I remember?"
      "It's going to take time, Sonny. But you will remember."

      Sonny's sobs became more intense, rocking his body. Rico was at a loss for what to do. He wanted so desperately to make it all better. He loved Sonny. He told his partner that he loved him, but those words only seemed to intensify Sonny's tears. Suddenly, inexplicably, he pulled right away from Rico's touch.
      "Sonny, what's wrong? What can I do to make it okay?"
      But Sonny didn't answer him. Instead, he seemed to curl in on himself, as if trying to comfort himself with his own warmth. Rico stood. Sonny thought he was leaving; he turned his face into the pillows. His whole body was shaking.

      But Rico was not leaving. He sat up on the bed. Then gently he lifted Sonny's head and shoulders until Sonny's blond hair fell across Rico's legs. Almost instantly he felt the dampness of his partner's tears as they soaked through his sweatpants.

      Ensuring he was not disturbing the ever-present IV lines, Rico began stroking Sonny's hair. Quietly, he started talking, soothing words of comfort and love. He told Sonny how much he loved him. Reassured him that he was going to be all right. Everything was going to be okay.

      After a while, Sonny swallowed hard. "I love you so much Rico.... Why can't I remember what happened between us? I've tried, but nothing comes." Sonny paused. "I just know that I love you. It feels right. Ever since the Cintaro ca--" His voice choked off.

      Rico actually thought his heart had stopped beating. He felt his breath catch in his throat. Sonny had gone absolutely still in his arms. Oh, God....

      In a panic, Sonny frantically tried to push away from Rico. His sudden movements sent agonizing spasms down his back and legs. Even in the semi-darkness of Sonny's room Rico could see the horror in Sonny's eyes. Oh, God, no. It was happening now. Sonny was remembering. Rico could almost see the memories replaying themselves in his partner's mind.

      Rico had to do something and he had to do it now. There was no time to plan this. Sonny's eyes began to glaze over as he continued to stare in abject terror at Rico. "Sonny." He raised his voice. He had to get Sonny's attention. "Stop. Listen to me."

      Sonny's respiration was quick and shallow. He would hyperventilate if Rico could not calm him. "You're remembering Cintaro. Marcus Cintaro. We spent one night at his house undercover. He was a porn dealer. There was a party." He heard Sonny gasp as another spasm shot through him. He was still trying to pull away from Rico, but there was nowhere to go. He was precariously balanced on the edge of the bed with painful tremors sweeping through him.

      Rico swung his feet to the floor, giving Sonny room on the bed. He never took his eyes off his partner. "Stay with me, Sonny."

      Rico perched on the edge of the mattress and watched as Sonny shifted position until he was again on his side, leaning against the pillows. When he had tried to help, Sonny had flinched. "Sonny." He was not even sure if Sonny was really hearing him. "Stay with me. Tell me what you're remembering."

      "Hands...." Sonny's voice had taken on a hysterical edge. "Hands touching me... touching... hurting me... Oh God.... Rico - no...." Rico knew his time was running out. He had to get Sonny's attention. He had to stop his partner from withdrawing from him. He tried to explain. He desperately tried to make Sonny understand what had happened.

      Sonny's world had begun to crumble. His small piece of warmth and safety was being torn to shreds. His lifeline, his anchor - the only person that he had thought he could trust completely - had hurt him. Rico had told him over and over that he loved him. Then how could he have hurt him? He'd....

      Rico had been here with him, through all the darkness and the pain, Rico had stayed with him. His partner had held his hand, soothed him with gentle caresses. His voice had provided a bright link with the world when all else seemed filled with darkness and hurt. He loved Rico. He was certain of that much. The feeling was still there. Even now that love burned brightly. No, it didn't make sense. Rico had hurt him. Rico had - raped him....

      Why...?

      Why...?

***

      Rico roamed restlessly through the hospital corridors. For the last twenty-four hours, he had been with Sonny almost continuously. He had stared into the blankness of Sonny's eyes as he had explained over and over what had happened. When Fielding had suggested that he try reading to Sonny as well - Sonny had found it to be soothing in the past - Rico had done that too. But Sonny was catatonic. Rico was lost without Sonny responding to him.

      Fielding was convinced that Sonny was still there. That he was trying to absorb all that he had remembered along with the explanations Rico had given. It was a lot to have to adjust to. There was a lot of pain to deal with. If Sonny still was unresponsive after thirty hours, they would call in a psychologist. But the doctor seemed certain that Sonny just needed time, and something to hold on to.

      Rico had been devastated. The Bravara trial has slipped his mind. Stan had arrived to sit with Sonny, and found Rico still there. A short time later, Castillo had arrived, absolutely furious, but Rico had hardly heard him. He had stood still for the speech and then turned and gone back into Sonny's room. He did not know what had happened about the trial. He simply did not care.

      Apparently, Fielding had explained the situation to Castillo. Rico did not care about that either.

      In actuality, Bri had run into Castillo before the Lieutenant had found Rico. Angry had not come close to describing the Lieutenant's mood. Ballistic would have been closer. Fielding had practically ordered the man to sit down in his office. Bri had no doubt whatsoever about exactly where Rico should be - had to be. Abandoning Sonny now was out of the question. He needed to hear Rico talking to him, reading to him - the same as Rico had done before.

      So Castillo's eerily quiet fury at Tubbs' failure to testify at court had not impressed Fielding. The welfare of his patient was the only thing that mattered at the moment.

      "He should have been there. Bravara's going to walk."
      "I'm sorry, Lieutenant. At the moment, I wouldn't even trust Rico to be able to drive safely." Bri saw something flicker in the man's eyes. "His partner - the man he loves - is currently catatonic. All because of something that happened between the two of them. Something that Rico feels totally responsible for." Again he saw something flicker in Castillo's expression. Somewhere in Castillo's brain, the doctor's words, "...the man he loves..." had registered.

      Bri was continuing. "I know Sonny's still there - somewhere inside his own mind. He needs to hear Rico's voice because that's his anchor since this whole nightmare began. If you take that away from him, we could lose Sonny for a long time - maybe forever."
      "It's one thing for Rico to leave the room for a coffee, it's something entirely different for him to be absent for hours and hours. Sonny will notice. He's not going to rationalize and understand that Rico's gone to court. All he's going to know is that Rico isn't there. After a while, he's going to believe that Rico's abandoned him. That he's left him alone - forever. Can you imagine how that would feel?"
      "Rico is all Sonny has at the moment, Lieutenant. In his mind, he's beyond terrified. He's remembered, God knows how much, of an incident where the one man he trusts the most in his whole world hurt him. He's trying to absorb that and understand it."
      It was difficult to tell, with Castillo's normally stoic exterior, if he was getting through or not. "I know you care for Sonny. I also know that this nightmare has cost you a great deal. But right now, Sonny needs Rico more than any trial does. Whatever Bravara did, Sonny is more important."

      Bri fell silent. For a moment, he thought he was going to find out exactly how Martin Castillo worked his way up through the ranks to become a Lieutenant. But Castillo knew that Fielding was right; he was a fair man. He simply nodded. "Can I see Sonny?"
      "Right now, I don't think that would be a good idea. But go ahead and speak with Rico. I'm certain you need to. Just remember, please, what I said. Rico really doesn't have much of a choice at the moment."

****

      Rico had only left Sonny's room because Fielding had ordered him to take a short break. He was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. He had not slept in over a day. His throat was starting to hurt from the constant talking and reading aloud.

*

      In the cold darkness of his mind, Sonny cowered in the shadows in front of the door. He wanted to go back inside. He no longer wanted to be out here. He felt so alone now. But the door had refused to open. So he had curled into a ball, as close to the door as he could. Somewhere far away, he could still hear Rico's voice. He was telling him things. Some of what filtered through made sense, some did not mean anything but pain. Sometimes he heard Rico reading to him. He yearned to feel the comfort that the sound used to bring, but he could not.

      At first, he had wanted to shut out the voice. But a small part of him wanted to listen. It wanted to understand what Rico was saying. And as he listened, he started to remember....

*

      Rico had accidentally wandered into the pediatrics wing. He was about to leave when something caught his eye. A tattered book was lying on the table in the waiting area. Margery Williams' 'The Velveteen Rabbit'. Rico remembered his mother reading it to him when he was a child.

      He picked up the book and leafed through it. There was a 'nursery magic Fairy' in the book. She made everything all right for the Rabbit. His throat tightened as he wished he could do the same for Sonny. He wanted to take away the pain and the bad memories and make everything okay. He took the book with him as he headed back to Sonny's room.

      "...'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse, 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.'" Rico paused. How could a children's book be so right about everything? About life?
      "'I suppose *you* are Real?' said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled." Rico had to swallow against the tightness in his throat.
      "'The Boy's Uncle made me Real,' he said. 'That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.'"

      "Real?"
      Rico looked up from the book. Sonny had spoken. For the first time in more than a day, Sonny had spoken. Rico held his breath as Sonny slowly focused on him. His eyes were filled with tears.
      "I don't think I know what's real anymore." He still sounded scared, but the hysteria was gone. "Am I real? Is this the real me? Are you real, Rico?" He watched as Rico set the book down and stood up from the window sill he had been using as a seat.
      "Is love real?" Sonny did not flinch when Rico came over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Can you love me as I am now? I'm not the same person I was before all of this. I don't feel like *me*. And that terrifies me." Sonny took a breath and Rico could hear the shudder in it. "Can you love this scarred body - this dependent shell of who I was? What if I never get back the old me? Can you still want me like you did that night we kissed?"

      "Sonny...." Rico reached for Sonny's hand, deeply grateful that Sonny was not flinching at his touch. "Of course, I still love you. Don't ever imagine that I don't love you, or that I don't want you. It's never going to happen."
      He touched his lips to Sonny's fingers. "You remember us kissing...." Rico felt his own tears sliding down his cheeks.
      "Yeah.... Things are a lot clearer now." He tried to smile. "Cintaro... raped me. I remember that. Then later you held me; like you've held me through this.... Thank you."
      Rico turned his head slightly, and kissed the palm of Sonny's hand. "I love you, Sonny. I will always love you. Whatever it takes; whatever we have to go through to make this better, I'll be here with you. I promise."

      Sonny's eyes closed, but he still clung tightly to Rico's hand. Fielding found them like that only a short time later. Motioning for Rico to stay where he was, Bri leaned over and asked, "Sonny. Do you want something for the pain?"

      Rico had lost track of time, but it was after three on Friday morning. Sonny had had only a small dose of medication several hours earlier. Some of Sonny's tears were falling because of the pain, Rico realized. He should have thought of it sooner. But there had been so much to worry about, and he was so exhausted.

      Sonny nodded. Fielding readied the hypodermic and injected Sonny with the fast-working medication. Sonny slipped into a deep sleep only minutes later.

      Fielding turned to Rico. In a quiet whisper, he ordered, "You. Lie down. Be careful. Mind the IV lines. Don't press against him." Then with a tired twinkle in his eye, he added, "And don't tell the nurse it was my idea."

      In his exhaustion, it took a moment for Rico to understand just what Bri had said. He eventually realized that Bri meant for him to lie down here, with Sonny. Too tired to even think clearly, he kicked off his shoes and very carefully slipped under the sheets behind Sonny, still aware of how fragile his partner was. He gently wrapped one arm over Sonny, avoiding the IV lines. He felt his partner stir slightly and snuggle against him. Eventually, Rico fell asleep in the warmth of Sonny's body, listening to his quiet breaths.

****

      When Nurse Sheedy opened the door shortly after seven that morning, what she saw stopped her in her tracks. The sight that befell her broke almost every hospital regulation; it was definitely a surprise, but most of all it warmed her. She signaled for the other nurse to come and see. They stood there for a moment, just inside the room.
      "That's so sweet."
      Sheedy nodded. "How am I ever going to be cross with him - when all I want to do is hug both of them?" She sighed. "I think this is the first time Sonny's slept past 5:30." The other nurse nodded in sympathy. They were all aware of the excruciatingly painful episodes that Sonny Crockett would experience once his meds wore off. But he never took it out on the nurses or the aides. In fact, they had rarely heard him complain about any of it except to his friend and some to Dr. Fielding. Too bad most of their patients did not practice the same sort of self-discipline.

      She moved round to the foot of the bed, and loudly cleared her throat. Rico snapped awake and it only took a second to remember where he was - in bed with Sonny. He smiled to himself before flashing his most charming smile to the nurse. Rico turned his attention to Sonny. His partner was still asleep, pillowed against Rico's length. He tried to disengage himself without disturbing Sonny, but he woke the moment Rico's warmth was taken away. Rico felt him stiffen.
      "Sonny, you okay?"
      "Yeah. The drugs have worn off. That's all." Although Sonny tried to keep his voice light, Rico could hear the pain beneath. "Thank you."
      "Any time." Rico leaned over and gently kissed Sonny's neck. Sonny smelt of antiseptic and rubbing alcohol, but to Rico it smelt of safety and healing.

      "Sonny." Nurse Sheedy walked around to the side of the bed. She handed him two pills and a small plastic cup of water. He took his pills silently. Sheedy smiled at him. "Is there anything else you need?"
      Sonny said that there wasn't.

      Half an hour later, Fielding arrived. Rico looked much better, and he suggested that while he examined Sonny, Rico might like to talk to his boss. Lieutenant Castillo had arrived at 7:00 am. Bri had seen him as he himself had arrived, and they had talked over coffee in the canteen. "He isn't angry, but I think I said some things yesterday that I maybe shouldn't have said. I'm sorry."

      "How's Sonny?"
Rico sat down at the table in the canteen. "He's only just woken. But I think he's going to be okay." Even though four hours sleep was nowhere near enough to catch up on what he had lost, Rico felt like he was glowing. Something special had happened between he and Sonny last night. Sonny had remembered the kiss. He had confirmed that he still wanted Rico. He still loved him even after he remembered about Cintaro.

      Rico was certain that it was not the end of it, but it was progress. He felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Even the coffee tasted drinkable this morning. "I'm sorry about the trial, Lieutenant."
      "It's over. Bravara walked."
      Not even this news could darken Rico's mood. Bravara would be back. They always seemed to get another shot at these people.
      "I'm sorry."
      "Don't be. I spoke to Doctor Fielding. Sonny needed you here."
      They drank in silence for a while. Finally, Castillo asked, "What happened at the Cintaro place?"
      Rico thought about simply saying that it was over and no longer mattered. But he owed Castillo one now. "Cintaro found out we were cops. Before Travellyan could do anything, Cintaro raped Sonny. Something must have snapped in Travellyan's head, because he shot Cintaro while the bastard was doing it."
      Marty absorbed this. He looked straight into Rico's eyes. "What happened between you and Sonny?"
      Rico looked down at his coffee. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant. I can't tell you that. It's not my decision alone. I have to respect Sonny's wishes. He'll tell you, if and when he's ready. He's the one you have to ask."

****

Monday morning

      Sonny was looking around his room, curious from his new vantage point. On Saturday, the last of the stitches from the skin graft had been removed. Today, he was sitting up for the first time in a month. Fielding had warned him not to overtax himself. If he tired, he was to recline the bed flat and rest. Rico was sitting beside him, feigning interest in his book, trying not to look as amazingly happy as he felt.

      Fielding had just examined him, and everything was healing as it should. Sonny had been placed on a semi-solids diet, and finally the last of the IV lines had been removed. The needles had left ugly bruises in his flesh, and Sonny was warned that his arm would feel very sore for several days. Fielding could almost hear the words "just like the rest of me, then?" being uttered. But Sonny remained silent as he always did.

      After twenty minutes of being prodded and poked, Sonny had been relieved when Bri finally pulled the sheet up over him and had allowed Rico back into the room. Fielding sat in the chair smiling. "So Sonny, would you like the good news or the bad news?"
      "Bad news."
      "It's bath time."
      Sonny snorted. "What's the good news?"
      "How would you like a shower?"

      Sonny's face lit up and Bri held up a warning hand. "Warm water not hot. If you feel the slightest bit of discomfort or get too tired, you turn the shower off and call the nurse. Immediately. Promise me, you will?"
      "I promise." Fielding got the distinct impression that Sonny would have promised to sell his soul for this, but he could not stand much more of Sonny badgering him, and his patient was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
      "Okay."

      It was a complicated process. Sonny had to be practically lifted into the wheelchair by Rico and Fielding. His regular physiotherapy, although still passive, had kept his joints limber and his muscles loosened. He had, however, lost much of his strength. Fielding had almost suggested that they wait a few days - let Sonny regain a bit more strength - before the shower, but one look at the determination in Sonny's eyes stopped him.

      Waltham's influence had secured Sonny a private room with a private en-suite bathroom. Bri had said something about Ben calling in a favour. It was best not to inquire too deeply.

      Sonny sat naked on the shower seat as the warm water softly fell on his body. It was the most amazing, wonderful sensation. Fielding had gone to check on his other patients, and Rico had gone to grab some breakfast. Nurse Sheedy had been informed, when she had come in to give Sonny his bath, what was happening. Sonny had the call button in the shower, if anything happened, or he needed something, he need only press it and a nurse would be there. He felt safe and happy as he started to lather himself.

      Rico wandered back into Sonny's room about twenty minutes later. The shower was still running. He was immediately concerned. Sonny should have been finished long ago. "Sonny? Are you okay?"
      He knocked on the door of the bathroom, but there was no reply. Worried, he pushed the door open and stepped inside. "Sonny?"

      Sonny was still sitting in the shower, although now he was leaning against the wall, visibly shaking - with fatigue, Rico was certain. "Sonny, come on. Let me help you out."

      Sonny looked up at Rico, momentarily embarrassed. But what had he left to hide? Rico had probably seen it all before anyway. It seemed like most of the doctors and nurses in this hospital had. He looked away.

      "No." Sonny's voice was rough with raw emotion. This was important to him. He needed to do this. Once in the shower, Sonny had quickly realized that he was not as strong or as able as he had assumed himself to be. He had managed to wash himself, but was too exhausted to shampoo his hair. He had not wanted to call the nurse, he desperately wanted to hang onto the last shreds of his pride. So he had waited, waited to see if he could recover enough strength to finish his shower alone. He had not.

      "I just have to wash my hair. I can manage."
      "Sonny, you can't expect to do everything immediately. You're exhausted."
      "I just want to finish...."
      Rico sighed. "Okay. If you won't come out, I'm coming in."
      Sonny looked at Rico in amazement as his partner kicked off his shoes and stepped fully clothed into the shower. Rico took the shampoo bottle, poured some into his palm, and moved behind Sonny. "Rico.... What the hell are you doing?"
      "I'm helping you, Sonny. I want you to be happy. Whatever it takes."
      Sonny felt Rico's gentle fingers rub the shampoo into his scalp and hair. He closed his eyes. The overwhelming need to finish his shower by himself was quickly replaced by the feeling of being loved by the man standing behind him.


      Rico massaged the lotion into Sonny's soft hair. He was being as careful as possible. He was not going to cause Sonny any further pain. It occurred to him that he was in the shower with Sonny. This was the first time he had really seen his partner's naked body. It wasn't the same as getting brief glimpses when the nurses had been turning Sonny. The scarring on his abdomen and waist was horrific. Rico understood from Fielding that it would also be quite sensitive for a while.

      Sonny had lost a lot of weight, weight he really could not afford to lose. He looked smaller somehow, vulnerable. Rico desperately wanted to protect him from all the pain and fear that was still to come. He knew in reality he couldn't. But he could be there for Sonny, make him happy and help him to feel safe.

      Rico thought that Sonny was gorgeous. He still had a wonderful tan, although it was beginning to fade after being in hospital for a month. He had always like the deep colour of Sonny's body. He savoured the sensation of Sonny's wet hair through his fingers. But he noticed that Sonny was beginning to shiver. He was cold and it was time to get him warm and dry. So Rico rinsed the last of the shampoo from Sonny's head. He leaned over and turned the water off.

      Rico stepped out and handed Sonny the towel. His partner still looked exhausted, and Rico was soaking wet. He lifted his shirt over his head before helping Sonny by drying his hair for him. Once Sonny was dressed in a fresh hospital gown, Rico called Nurse Sheedy to help get Sonny back into bed.

      As they lifted Sonny between them onto the bed, he closed his eyes. Rico would have sworn that, for just a moment, Sonny got heavier. Sonny hated this. He hated having everything done for him. He was grateful for his partner's help in the shower, but he felt so dependant on Rico. It was terrifying. He did not want to live like this. He just wanted to be able to do everything he used to.

      Nurse Sheedy did not say a word as Rico left to change his wet clothing. She made certain Sonny was comfortable and watched his eyes slip closed. He was on his side, it was still too uncomfortable to stay on his back for any length of time. Quietly, she left him to rest.


      Sonny was still asleep when Rico returned in dry clothing. He was relieved that Stan had thought to always bring in two sets, just in case. He took his seat by Sonny's bed and picked up his book.

      An hour or so later, the door opened. Gina and Stan were there smiling. In his arms, Stan held a huge white teddy bear. Rico stood and gave Gina a big hug.
      "How is he?"
      "He had an exhausting morning, but he's doing much better."
      Rico looked questioningly over at Stan and the bear.
      "His name's Poirot. And this is Elvis, Jr." From behind the bear he produced a small, overly hairy, cuddly alligator. We thought Sonny might be missing his pet."
      Rico chuckled, "Oh, I'm sure he'll love them both!"

      They approached Sonny's bed, and he opened his eyes. "Hi."
      Gina crouched down by him. "Hey, how are you feeling?"
      "Okay. Thanks." He shifted to sit up, but the pain-med was wearing off. Gina could see the pain in his eyes.
      "Don't. It's okay."
      Stan sat 'Poirot' in the chair in the corner of the room. He handed the alligator to Sonny. Sonny's fingers played in its fur, making Rico smile. Fielding had mentioned that traumatized patients, like Sonny, needed to feel safe and secure. The doctor had said that cuddly toys sometimes helped, even for grown men, even for Sonny, because all the fear and the pain were still with him. And it would be a long while before they went away.

      Sonny simply said, "Thank you."

      Stan motioned to Rico. "Can we get a coffee? I need to talk to you."
      "Sure."
      Rico reassured Sonny that he would not be gone long. But Sonny just looked exhausted. All he wanted to do was sleep and entertaining was not on the agenda this morning. Gina really did not mind just sitting with Sonny. She, too, could only feel enormously relieved and happy that Sonny was finally recovering.

      "What's up?"
      Stan dropped a file on to the table in front of Rico. "We may have a problem. I.A.D. picked up Roger Travellyan last night after an anonymous tip-off. Strohe's got the case."
      Rico sighed and picked up the brown file. It contained a copy of the arrest warrant, along with some surveillance photographs. There was a couple of Travellyan with Bodelle, one or two of him with Cintaro. And one taken at the party he and Sonny had been at. It was a perfect shot, of Sonny and Rico on the balcony, talking to Travellyan.
      "Oh God.... There was surveillance on him when we went undercover."
      "There's more. Strohe's found out that your report on the Cintaro case is classified. He's digging. He'll undoubtedly get access to the report, and then to the medical files concerning Sonny's last stay in here." Stan saw the growing concern in Rico's eyes.
      "Now, I know there's nothing he can nail on you two, but I also know he hates Sonny's guts. He'll drag everything into the open, just for the sake of it. He'll get involved in the Bodelle case and maybe even bring something up in court. Strohe could try to force Sonny to testify about Bodelle - and about the Dome." Rico had clenched his fists and his knuckles had turned white.
      "I know Sonny's memory of the last few months is pretty sketchy. But even with the doctors confirming that Sonny just doesn't remember some events, I don't think Strohe's gonna buy it." Stan heard the bitterness in his own voice. He hated Strohe and he didn't want to see Sonny hurt or embarrassed. "He's gonna keep pushing. Someone said he'd already mentioned coming here to get a statement from Sonny."

      Rico's eyes shone with stony determination. "Just let him try it."

****

      Sonny lay on his back with Groggy in his hands. Rico had not ever thought of Sonny as the cuddly-toy type, but Sonny had named the alligator once Stan and Gina had left. He had said it was how he felt - Groggy.

      Sonny was quiet, rhythmically stroking the green plush fur of the alligator. Rico was quickly becoming used to these moods. He was quite content to sit and read silently. Sometimes Sonny simply needed to try to work things through for himself. Today, however, Sonny seemed to want to talk about something, but could not broach the subject.

      Finally, Rico set aside 'The Body In The Library', and moved to sit on the edge of Sonny's bed. "You okay, Partner?"
      Sonny stopped fiddling with the alligator and looked up at Rico. "I don't like them seeing me like this."
      Rico was caught off guard. "Who?"
      "Stan, Gina, the people who knew me... before."
      Rico thought for a moment before something caught his eye. He took Sonny's left hand in his. Then sliding his hand up to Sonny's wrist, he thumbed the hospital i.d. bracelet around until the print was visible. He read, aloud, "James 'Sonny' Crockett (Detective)."

      Rico looked up into Sonny's eyes. "That's you, Sonny. That's who you were before all this happened. And that's who you still are. We still love you and respect you as much as we ever did before. Your friends are just happy that you're still here and that you're gonna be okay. I'm happy too. There's no reason to be ashamed or uncomfortable."

      Sonny nodded silently. Then he picked up Groggy, and still holding Rico's hand, he waved the stuffed toy around.

      Rico watched him. There was so much going on inside of Sonny's mind. Memories and feelings were still sorting themselves out - at times crowding each other for Sonny's attention. Sometimes Sonny simply needed something to distract him and take his mind off everything else.

      Fielding had warned Rico that Sonny was bound to have mood swings and be vulnerable to displays of emotion. Basically, Sonny was in mourning. He was grieving the loss of his life - not literally, but in the sense that for sometime to come he would not be able to do all that he had once been accustomed to. In many ways, Sonny was a different person - weak, vulnerable, dependant, scared. All things that Sonny had never thought of as being a part of him. Now, he had to learn to deal with it. And Rico could only be there for him - being quietly supportive and loving.

      Sonny's physical therapy was progressing. He hated having the nurses and the physiotherapist manipulating his body for him. He hated the loss of control. He had always done everything for himself. Even when events in his life had run away with him, he had still had control of his body. Now he was forced to depend on others to do simple basic things for him. Basic, personal things that needed to be done, but as far as Sonny was concerned, they were things that should have been his business only.

      Then there was the pain. He suffered through periods of agonizing muscle spasms. And sometimes the scar tissue on his back and stomach was so sensitive that it was difficult to have anything touching those damaged areas.

      Doctor Fielding had explained that nerve trauma was causing the spasms and the hypersensitivity. He assured Sonny that it would lessen as time passed. It was simply going to be a while before Sonny could expect to be pain free. He was going to need to be patient.

      Sonny squeezed Rico's hand. "You should go back to work. You don't have to hang around here every day. You must be so bored with all this... with me."
      Rico shook his head. "Don't ever think that, Sonny. I love you. I couldn't be anywhere else."

      Sonny squeezed his eyes shut as he felt tears starting. Finally, he pulled his hand from Rico's and wiped at his eyes. "I'm sorry." He looked up at Rico with evident embarrassment. "Sometimes I just can't seem to help it.... I feel so miserable."
      Rico sat quietly, rubbing Sonny's arm. "It's all right. It's natural. Okay?"

      A knock at the door startled them. Sonny quickly tried to dry his eyes. A vaguely familiar face peeked around the door. "Sonny?"
      "Joey?" Rico looked up. The young detective, whose life Sonny and Rico had saved, walked into the room carrying three large cardboard boxes that he dumped to the floor.
      "Is this an okay time?"
      Sonny nodded. Joey Hardin shook Rico's out-stretched hand and patted Sonny on the shoulder. He could see the wet tracks on Sonny's cheeks, but he ignored them out of understanding.
      "I'm sorry I haven't been able to get to see you earlier. I won't stay long."
      "Thanks for coming anyway." Sonny smiled warmly at his friend. "How are you?"
      "Fine, thanks to you. So," he bent down and opened the first box, "I brought you some stuff that you can't possibly be without in this place. Believe me, I know."
      Rico grinned as Joey handed Sonny a personal cd player and headphones. When Joey had been in the hospital after being shot, Sonny had bought him a new 'boom box' and collection of cds.

      Joey reached into the second box and produced a handful of compact disks. All Sonny's favourites, no heavy metal. Then he leaned down and pulled out a portable television. The bottom box contained a video player. "Battery operated, just get someone to recharge these babies every two days. Or," he rooted around the bottom of the box, "if you can find a plug handy just use the adapter." Joey set the adapter cords on top of the unit.

      Sonny watched open-mouthed as Joey and Rico set the equipment up on a trolley. Finally, he stammered out, "I don't know what to say...."
      "Sonny, you and Rico saved my life. Without you, I wouldn't be standing here. This is the least I can do."

      Rico left the two men alone for a while. He wanted to go over to OCB and make sure there was nothing he was supposed to have done. Normally he would not have considered going and leaving Sonny. But Joey promised to stay until Rico returned.

      Joey tuned the television in as best as he could. Then he sat on the side of Sonny's bed.
      "How are you doing?"
      "I'm fine."
      Joey frowned, "You don't have to lie to me, man. I know what's it's like in these places." Joey had never been particularly subtle. "You know you look pretty good for somebody who should be dead."
      Sonny regarded him questioningly. "What do you mean?"
      "Don't you know?"
      "Know what?"
      "Oh man. According to Stan Sweitek, your chances of surviving your first night here were about 1 in 500. They're calling you a 'minor miracle' over at Metro Dade."
      Sonny almost blushed. But he fell silent, absorbing the information. Joey reached out and touched his arm. "Sonny. I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have told you."
      "No, it's... it's okay." He looked up at Joey. "Do you know what happened to me?"

      Joey nearly said that he did. But suddenly he was not sure that Sonny should be told, or if he should be the one to do it. He remembered Sonny telling him how close he was to his partner. 'Rico has never let me down. Never.' He remembered Sonny's words to this day. Trust your partner. Because that's all there is.

      "Ask Rico. He'll be able to tell you the actual truth. I only know what I've heard and these things tend to be exaggerated."
      Sonny knew Joey was backing down. But that was okay. Maybe he would ask Rico.

****

      "'A very obscure message, as you can see....'"
      "Rico...."
      Rico put down the book. He had been reading by the light coming from the street-lamps below. The rest of the room was in darkness. In less than an hour, the nurse would be in with Sonny's last meds of the day. Then, ready or not, he would be asleep within half an hour.
      "Are you okay?"
      Sonny nodded. He reached for Rico's hand. "Rico. I need to know what happened to me."
      Rico was not sure that he understood. "When?"
      "The night I was shot. I don't remember any of it. The last thing I remember clearly is you and I kissing. And I know that was weeks before the shooting." He gripped Rico's hand tightly. "People keep mentioning this Bodelle, but I can't remember who he is...."
      Rico sighed. "I don't know if you're ready for this."
      But Sonny had made up his mind. He squeezed Rico's hand. "Please, Rico. Whenever I try to remember, to think about it - it's like a thick fog that I can't break through. This not knowing is scaring the hell out of me."

      Rico was still not convinced. He studied Sonny for a moment. His partner was once again on his side, still the most comfortable position for him, and exhaustion was evident in his features. But there was pleading and determination there too. How could Rico refuse him?

      "Okay. But if you want me to stop, just say 'stop'. Promise me that."
      Sonny smiled. "I promise."
      Rico explained how they had worked their way into Bodelle's organization, slowly and patiently. Not hurrying him to ensure he did not get suspicious. He had trusted them completely. There was a lot of backup that night because Bodelle was still highly unpredictable. Nothing was supposed to go wrong.

      Rico held on tightly to Sonny's hand as he continued to describe what happened. As he started to tell about the night itself, he looked directly into Sonny's green eyes. "As we sat waiting in your car, we made plans for that evening. You said you'd cook for me." Sonny smiled.
      "I was... excited." Rico continued. He felt his own heartbeat increasing. "I thought, maybe, we might take things... a bit further." Now the same anxiety that he had experienced over the last weeks, crept into his voice. "We met Bodelle on the docks. His men were edgy. I remember you kept looking at the slim one, making sure he wasn't gonna do anything stupid. Everything was goin' fine."

      Rico realized he could hear a tremor in his own voice. "Then the skinny guy shouted something. I saw Bodelle pull his gun as I reached for mine. I looked at you...." In his mind's eye he saw it all replay again. He saw Sonny jerk as he was hit, blood erupting from him. He saw Sonny falling back off the dock and into the water below. "Bodelle shot you five times. One bullet went straight through and exited your back, as you know. One splintered against your spine." Rico pulled in a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

      There was silence between them for a moment. When Sonny spoke, his voice was quiet. "Joey said I wasn't supposed to make it."
      "When Castillo and I saw you in Recovery, Bri told us that you probably wouldn't make it through the night."

      Gently, Sonny rubbed his thumb over Rico's hand. "I'm sorry you had to go through that." He whispered.
      "You have nothing to apologize for." Rico interrupted. "You're here and you're going to be all right. That makes it all okay. That's all that matters."

      The nurse came in to give Sonny his medication, and Sonny took it silently. They sat quietly, holding hands until Sonny started to drift off to sleep. Rico leaned down and gently kissed his partner's forehead. As he did so, Sonny lifted a hand and touched Rico's cheek.

      For a moment, time froze. So close. Rico could feel Sonny's warm breath on his chin. Slowly, Rico moved his face downwards and, guided by Sonny's hand, he touched his lips to Sonny's. They kissed for a long moment, and when Rico pulled back, Sonny's eyes were shining. "I'm sorry I missed our date." Sonny whispered, reveling in their closeness. "I'd like to make it up to you, as soon as I can."

      Rico nodded. "I love you Sonny."
      Sonny's last waking breath told Rico that he loved him too. Finally, he fell asleep. Rico's fingers wrapped around one hand, Groggy safely caught in the other.

****

      Over the next several days, Sonny endured hours of physical therapy and evaluations. His muscle strength, flexibility, balance and more were tested - sometimes beyond their limits. A timetable was drawn up for his rehabilitation. Weight training to regain strength included his arms, shoulders and upper body as well as his legs. Waltham had suggested that Sonny would benefit greatly from time in the whirlpool and swimming. The whirlpool would help relieve the stress he would be enduring and the pool would allow his muscles to slowly take over support without undue strain.

      Ben had been impressed with Sonny's speedy recovery so far. He felt proud to have been a part of it. Now that Waltham was returning to Seattle, he wanted to ensure that the rest of Sonny's recuperation would be as rapid.

      While the doctors, nurses and therapist sorted through what was best for him, Sonny suffered through long periods of utter exhaustion. He returned to his room, from the evaluations, completely drained and often in pain. Rico could only be there supporting him. He read to Sonny when asked, or simply held his hand as his partner slept.

      At Rico's request, Gina had bought Sonny several of pairs of pajamas. Sonny did not possess any, usually he did not wear anything in bed. He was, however, eternally grateful when she brought them in. The hospital gowns were not at all dignified, and Sonny soon found himself more comfortable in the deep blue pajamas Gina had got for him, even though they were one size too large. She was shocked he had lost so much weight. Stan had brought his robe in for him, and had even found some slippers. And when he moaned that he looked like an old man in the footwear, Stan told him to be glad. They could have had fluffy pink rabbit ears on them.

***

      One afternoon, Fielding was sitting on the edge of Sonny's bed as had become his habit. Sonny was seated, for the moment, in a wheelchair, listening to the doctor explain about the damage to his back. The bullet had not only torn muscles in its path, but in its exit had literally 'blown away' a chunk of muscle about the size of a fist, at the site of the skin graft.

      The torn muscles had been sutured together and were healing well. But the missing muscle would never regenerate. The best that could be done was to strengthen the remaining muscle tissue and surrounding muscles to support Sonny's back properly. As a result, it would be a while before Sonny would walk unaided. For the moment, besides the careful weight training, the best therapy was swimming and using the whirlpool to relieve stress and spasms.

      A knock on the door interrupted them and they turned toward it. Bri's eyes widened appreciatively as the long-legged lady stepped in. Bri leaned down near Sonny's ear, and whispered, "You certainly know some stunning people."

      Sonny smiled as Valerie took his outstretched hand into hers. She kissed his cheek. "When Stan told me what happened, I was shocked and scared. But I must say you're looking pretty good."
      "I'm doing fine."
      Bri shook his head in bemusement. This was the man he had just informed that there were weeks of physical therapy ahead before he would be getting back on his feet. The man who endured nearly constant pain and excruciating episodes to boot. He smiled to himself. He knew why all the nurses liked and admired Sonny. He rarely complained to them about anything. He never took his moods out on them. It was difficult not to admire the man.
      Bri shook Val's hand when Sonny introduced them.

      When Rico returned a short while later, his face lit up at the sight of Val standing there. He held her for a long moment in a tight hug. He closed his eyes as an unbidden thought flashed across his mind. What he really wanted to do was to hold Sonny this close. He wanted to feel his partner's arms around him. He wanted to squeeze Sonny tightly without the worry of hurting Sonny. Rico pushed the image away. He could wait. It would be all that much more special later.

      From his wheelchair, Sonny watched them hug. He felt a slight twinge of jealousy. Val was the one person, Sonny feared, who could take Rico away from him.

      They talked for a while, trying to catch up. Then Val turned to Rico and said that it was time he showed her *his* favourite sights of Miami. "We can make an afternoon of it."
      "I'd really love to, Val. But - "
      "Go ahead, Rico." Sonny interrupted. He knew his partner was about to tell Val no because he felt he should stay here with him. Despite his own fears, Sonny wanted Rico to have a break. "You deserve some time off."
      "But I really - "
      "Get some fresh air." Sonny smiled his reassurances to his partner. "I believe there's a world out there still. Take this beautiful lady out for dinner. Enjoy yourselves." He caught Rico's eye. "Please."

      With Valerie smiling hopefully on one side and his partner practically telling him to get lost for the rest of the day, Rico felt out numbered.
      "Well, if you're really sure." He saw Sonny smile. "I'll be back later though." Valerie practically dragged him out the door.

      Once they were gone, Fielding - who had stayed silent through it all - looked skeptically at Sonny. "Are you sure?"
      Sonny looked at Bri, confused. "About what?"
      "About him going."
      "Of course. I'm okay."

      Fielding had finished his rounds for the day and decided to check in on Sonny around dinner time. Sonny's tray was untouched and he was lying on his side with his eyes closed. He was too stiff; Bri knew he was not asleep.

      With Sonny's back still being quite weak, sitting or even lying directly on it became painful after a long period of time. Lying on his side, in an almost fetal position, was Sonny's preferred position of rest. Bri sat carefully on the bed, noting the stuffed alligator hanging over the edge of the bed from Sonny's grasp.

      There were deep lines of pain and exhaustion etched in Sonny's face. That morning's final evaluation had drained Sonny and now the meds were wearing off. "Sonny, are you okay?"

      Bri saw how red Sonny's eyes were when he opened them. He realized Sonny had been crying and that it probably embarrassed him. It was difficult for him to accept the loss of control in his life - both physically and emotionally.

      Bri sympathized with Sonny, his heart went out to him. He really wanted to help. He glanced at his watch and realized that Sonny would not be able to get another dose of pain-killer for a few more hours.
      "Sonny, do you want to talk to me about it?"
      Sonny closed his eyes and shook his head. It did not take much guessing on Bri's part to know what was wrong. Sonny was missing Rico.
      "He'll be back soon."
      As soon the words were said, the tears started to flow.

      Sonny was thoroughly disgusted with himself. He was crying - again. God, it was embarrassing enough, but now he was doing it in front of Fielding. He took a deep breath, hoping to regain control. But it was no use and the breath just came out as a shuddering sob.

      He felt so childish being this dependant on his partner all the time. But the truth of the matter was that he was missing Rico so much it hurt. Why did he feel so afraid and alone when Rico was not there with him? Finally, fed up, he launched Groggy across the room.

      Shamed by his own sudden fit of pique, Sonny turned his face into the pillow. He was helpless to stop the sobs as they raked through his body. Rico had been gone so long. Sonny had never been the possessive sort. But he needed his partner at the moment, even if the damage to his body meant that Rico would no longer find him attractive. Sonny laughed at himself. How could Rico ever find this dependant, uncontrolled shell attractive?

      Bri gently rubbed Sonny's arm through the sheet. "It's okay," he murmured. "It's natural. It's very human and you are, after all, only human."

      After a time, Sonny's sobs slowed and then stopped. He looked up at Bri. "I'm sorry. Sometimes it all gets to be too much."
      "It's okay. Honestly. I understand." Bri retrieved Groggy from across the room. He propped the plush toy on Sonny's pillow. He then settled into the chair beside the bed. "You're expecting too much of yourself too soon. It'll get better, I assure you It's just going to take some time."
      "I hate relying on Rico. He should go back to work."
      "He won't go back. He won't leave you. And I don't think that's really what you want."
      Sonny looked away.

      Bri spotted Rico's book lying open on the floor. He picked it up and read the title - "The Moving Finger". "Why don't I sit here and read for a while? If you need to talk or just want me stop, you let me know." Sonny nodded and closed his eyes.

      After about an hour, Fielding realized that Sonny did not so much listen to the story as he listened to the voice telling the story. Sonny was obviously exhausted, but he was restless. He was constantly shifting and trying new positions to get truly comfortable. Sonny wanted Rico there with him. Rico's voice could soothe him.

      Suddenly, Bri realized he was jealous. A tiny bit of that green-eyed monster had taken residence in his gut. The relationship that Sonny and Rico shared was indeed a rare one. He envied them. He, too, had experienced such a bond. It was a once in a lifetime thing that he'd shared with Kieran. He mentally shook himself. He was not going to dwell on that.

      In truth, he was very grateful for the love that Sonny and Rico shared. If it had not have been for this deep tie between them, Bri had little doubt that Sonny would not have survived those first horrible days after the shooting. Sonny would not be here now.

      Fielding continued to read. But inside he was wondering. Just where the hell was Rico?

****

      In the crimson of the fading sunlight, Valerie watched the sand flurry around her bare feet. She and Rico had gone for a long walk on the beach near his house. From the state of the house and the size of the mail pile that had teetered precariously on the table, she knew that Rico had not been home in some time.

      She had noticed that Rico had been far away. His distraction had been increasing over the last several hours. Val just could not quite figure what was wrong. When she had asked he had shrugged and tried to smile reassuringly.

      Rico wanted - no needed - to get back to the hospital. He had not been away from his partner for this length of time since the whole nightmare began. What if Sonny needed him?!

      "It must've been difficult for you, these past few weeks. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like - what you've been through."
      Rico glanced sideways at Val as she took his arm in hers. Months ago, maybe even just weeks ago, he would have snapped up the invitation she had been offering all evening. But not now. Now there was only one person he wanted, and he was prepared to wait for as long as it took.
      "What I've been through? What about what Sonny's been through?" His voice rose a bit on the last.
      "He's going to be okay, Rico."

      Rico stopped dead in his tracks. "How do you know?" he demanded. "For a month I've watched him go through hell. He's still there. There's no escape for him." He had to get back to Sonny, and soon. "Every day brings pain and exhaustion. He needs me. I need to be there with him."

      Valerie took his hands in hers as she face him. "What about you, Rico?" He stiffened in her grasp. "You need a break. You need some rest. You can't expected to be there with him, worrying about him, twenty-four hours a day!"
      Rico suddenly gripped her hands firmly in his and looked straight into hers. "It's where *I* want to be."

      Val took a step forward, closing the gap between them. She looked up into Rico's shining eyes and pressed her lips against his. "This is where I want to be," she whispered.
      "I'm sorry, Val." He released her hands and moved away from her. "I have to go. Feel free to use the house."

      Valerie stood dumbfounded in the sand. She pushed her hands deep into her pockets as the ocean breeze cooled her. Something was happening with Rico and it just did not add up. This was the first time *ever* that Rico had refused her advances. Could it be another woman?

      Not for a single moment, did she consider that he had been telling her the truth.

**

      The night nurse was leaving just as Rico hurried to Sonny's room. Glancing at his watch he felt another pang of guilt. Sonny had just been given his last meds of the day; he should not have been away so long.

      Fielding looked up as the door opened. Rico saw Sonny's eyes were closed, but knew instantly that he was not asleep. Bri took his arm and lead him back into the corridor.
      "Where the hell have you been?!" Fielding instantly regretted his tone and his choice of words.
      Rico blinked in shock, then anger set in. "Who are you? My father?!"

      Bri deflated. "I'm sorry. I - " He took a deep breath. "I don't know how you do it. I wish I did." He ran a hand tiredly through his hair. "Sonny's been so upset all evening. He hasn't eaten. He's exhausted but he won't sleep. Or maybe he just can't sleep...." He suddenly felt very tired and leaned back against the wall.

      "I've been sitting reading to him, like you do." He touched Rico's arm. "I tell you Rico, Sonny is one very special person." Bri had realized a small part of the reason Rico was in love with Sonny. "His speed of recovery, his strength - " Bri shuddered inwardly. "I watched him endure a spasm. I don't know how he does it. I could see the agony in his eyes. But he never said a word." He paused. "I don't know how *you* do it."

      The doctor looked up, ashamed that he had berated Rico. "Go in to him, he must know you're here. I'm sorry about what I said."
      Rico nodded his understanding. As he put his hand on the door handle he turned and looked back at Bri. "I know he's special. Every time I look at him, I remember how he looked in Recovery that first night. I never even dared to hope then that he'd make it through this."


      Sonny heard the door open again and looked up. He smiled as Rico sat down beside him.
      "I'm sorry I was so long."
      "S'okay. I thought you'd be away all night...." Sonny's words were slurred from his exhaustion and the meds. His eyes slid closed as Rico took his hand and brought it to his lips.
      "Only you, Sonny. No one else - not even Valerie."
      "Thank you." Sonny's breathing lengthened as at last he felt safe enough to sleep.

      Rico went to sleep in the chair beside Sonny's bed, content to listen to his partner's steady breaths. Curled up on his side, Sonny seemed smaller than a grown man really should. Rico resolved to never let anyone come between him and the man he loved more than life. The man who was his life.

****

      Rico woke suddenly. His neck ached from its uncomfortable position, but something else had woken him. A sound.

      He looked over at Sonny. His partner was lying on his stomach. He eyes were squeezed shut, tears streaming over his cheeks. Agony lines were etched into his features. He was gripping Groggy so tightly in his right hand, that the knuckles were white. Rico sat up. "Sonny...."
      There was no response.
      Rico leaned forward and touched his partner's cheek. Sonny's eyes opened. The pain reflected there was so deep, that Rico did not hesitate, for the first time since Sonny had been transferred from ICU, to hit the 'Call Nurse' button.

      Moments later, a nurse, who Rico did not recognize, arrived. She took one look at Sonny and immediately paged the on-duty doctor.

      The doctor, also a stranger to Rico, grabbed Sonny's chart and scanned it quickly. He crouched near Sonny's head. "Sonny, where does it hurt?"
      Sonny spoke through clenched teeth. "...My back...."
      Rico, meanwhile, had taken Sonny's other hand in his. He felt Sonny's grip tighten on his fingers as the pain intensified. The nurse left the room following the doctor's quick instructions.

      The doctor moved the sheet and Sonny's pajama top out of the way and examined the area around the newly healed skin graft. He cautiously probed the muscles around the site, then carefully pressed his thumbs into Sonny's back. Rico nearly gasped as Sonny almost crushed his fingers.

      Rhythmically, the doctor massaged the knotted muscles. Slowly, Sonny's grip on Rico's hand loosened. Then his whole body started to relax. The doctor felt the muscles smooth out as the episode ended. "Is that better, Sonny?"
      "Yes...." Sonny was still uncomfortable, but now he could handle it. "Thank you."

      The nurse returned as the doctor was pulling the sheet back up. She handed him a syringe and a swab. The doctor injected Sonny in the hip with the pain-killer. It would cause chaos with Sonny's daily medication schedule. But without it, Sonny would be in an unacceptable amount of pain. Sleep would be near impossible and right now he needed to rest in order to heal.

      Within a minute, Sonny had fallen asleep. Only then did the new doctor acknowledge Rico's presence. He watched Rico shake out his 'crushed' fingers. Then he offered his hand and gave Rico's a gentle shake. "Doctor Casey Sylvester." He glanced down at Sonny's chart before returning it to the end of the bed. "Dr. Fielding is his regular physician, right?"
      "That's right. What just happened? Will Sonny be okay?"
      Sylvester seemed to just ignore Rico's questions, but his eyes widen in recognition. "So, this is Sonny Crockett?"
      "Yeah...."
      So that makes you Rico Tubbs?" He smiled at Rico, but turned back toward Sonny.
      "Yes, but - "
      "I've heard a lot about the two of you." Sylvester interrupted. "Bri's very proud of Sonny."

      Rico put a hand on the doctor's arm. "Doctor?"
      "Yes?" Casey turned his attention away from Sonny and back to Rico. "Sorry. You wanted to know what happened. Sonny had a muscle cramp, nothing too serious. Although, as you witnessed, it was extremely painful. The best treatment is a very gentle massage of the knotted muscle to relax it. This hasn't happened before?" He seemed surprised.
      "No. He's had spasms...."
      Casey nodded. "Yes he will. And these cramps will likely increase in frequency for the short term, as his therapy progresses. Has he been scheduled for sessions in the whirlpool?"
      "Yes."
      "Good. That will help relieve the stress on his back." He glanced at his watch. "Sonny'll sleep now, hopefully, into the morning. He'll have to skip his 7 am meds." He picked up Sonny's chart again and made some quick notes in it. "I'll make sure his PT's rescheduled for the afternoon. I'll let Bri know what happened." He glanced at Rico, who still looked rather shaken. "Are you okay?"
      "I'm... fine. It was just a bit of a shock, so sudden. He's been okay recently."
      Casey frowned, "I doubt that. From what I've heard, he just doesn't tell anyone what he's going through." He looked back to Rico. "Make sure you rest too."

      On his way out, Casey stopped. As an afterthought, he said quietly. "Sonny's one of the few miracles we've had in this hospital, Rico. When we say 1 in 500, we mean it. Make sure people remember that. Being a miracle can be a painful experience."

****

      Roger Travellyan watched Strohe as he paced the interrogation room. "If you're going to prosecute, I wish you'd get on with it."
      Strohe paused and looked over at the ex-detective. "You really want to go to jail?"

      Roger smiled, knowingly. "I'm not going to jail, Strohe, and you know it. I'll be thrown off the force in disgrace - no pension, no gold watch." Not that he cared. Not that he needed the pension. "And I don't see a damned thing you can do for me. 'Sides, IAD isn't known for its generosity."
      "Maybe not," Strohe leaned on the table, staring straight into Travellyan's eyes. "But *this* IAD officer just might be."
      "What do you want from me?"
      "I want to know what happened at Cintaro's place - The Dome - on the night he was killed." Roger's eyes widened in surprise, as Strohe continued. "I know you were there. I've got photos to prove it. And I know two undercover vice cops were there, too. I know you talked to them. So what happened?"
      Roger was instantly suspicious. "If you know there were cops there, read the report."
      "It's been classified. Believe me, I'm working on it. But if you just tell me what happened, I wouldn't have to waste my time and you might just find yourself walking out of here with a deal."

      Travellyan lit one of the cigarettes Strohe had given him. The report was classified. That meant someone was protecting Crockett and Tubbs. Or the report did not say anything about what happened that night, and the men were being allowed to keep what happened quiet. Why was Strohe *so* interested?

      "You won't get anything from me." Travellyan blew the smoke out through his nose. "I'm not going to jail. I'll just bide my time. Eventually, I'll walk out of here."

      "Okay." Strohe nodded. "But your friend definitely *is* going to jail. Mr. Kym Bodelle? I understand the two of you are very close." The IAD Detective eyed Travellyan with a mixture of disgust and mischief. "Maybe, if you told me what I wanted to know, I could do something to improve his chances."

      "You're insane!" Roger had to laugh. "Bodelle's up for attempted murder of a police officer. He's going away for a long time. Nothing is going to stop that."
      "Maybe." Strohe shrugged. "Maybe, I could fix something."
      Travellyan did not like what he was hearing. "I don't understand. Why would you?" Something was just not jelling right. "Detective Crockett's been in the hospital for over a month. Bodelle nearly killed him and you're offering me a deal with Bodelle's life? - Why?"
      Strohe sat in the chair opposite Travellyan. "Crockett's a dirty cop. I've been trying to nail him with something for years. If he killed Cintaro, I want him." Strohe was like a mad dog on a blood trail.
      "He didn't kill Cintaro. And he's not a dirty cop!" This was sounding more and more like a personal crusade on Strohe's part. "Sonny Crockett has a reputation that's admired by kids going into the academy! - Is this some sort of personal vendetta?"

      "I will find out what happened." Strohe ignored Travellyan's question and stood. "Crockett is no hero. I'm going to prove that. He's probably milking this hospital thing for all it's worth. Minor miracle, my ass!"

****

      Rico sat at the poolside and watched Sonny swim. For several days now, this morning therapy had been a regular event. Half an hour swimming, fifteen minutes in the whirlpool. And that was all after an hour of working with the physiotherapist.

      The hospital swimming pool was the oldest part of Miami General. The rest of the hospital was relatively new, but the pool was housed in a large building, with a cold concrete surround on which Rico was sitting.

      It exhausted Sonny, but he loved the temporary independence that the pool offered him. Supported by the water, he felt freed from the constant reliance on other people. Sonny also encouraged his partner to take a break from the hospital while he was stuck in therapy. So Rico had taken to going into the office on most mornings. There was always some paperwork that he could catch up on and it allowed him to keep tabs on Strohe's investigation.

      Rico had spoken to Castillo about the IAD renegade officer. Castillo had assured him that as soon as Strohe overstepped his authority, he would be knocked down. There was nothing damaging in the classified report. There was nothing that Strohe could find.

      Today, Rico had not gone to the office. He had just wanted to sit and watch Sonny swim. His partner was making incredible progress. Just as Dr. Sylvester had predicted, Sonny was enduring frequent cramps and spasms in his back muscles. But Bri had shown Rico how to alleviate the worst of the pain by gently massaging the over stressed area.

      The section of muscle that had been destroyed by the bullet would never regenerate. But Sonny's body was learning to compensate for the loss. It was going to take time and Sonny was impatient. He constantly pushed himself harder and harder everyday. When he went beyond his limits, he suffered for it. Sonny returned from his morning therapy sessions exhausted and in pain. He would often sleep through most of the afternoon. Rico would just sit by his partner - content to just be with Sonny. He found himself constantly amazed at the determination that Sonny displayed.

      It all seemed unending. Sonny pushed himself because he wanted to get on his feet and get out of the hospital. It would be a while before his back and legs could support him. He had regained a lot of the strength in his upper body and was able to maneuver the wheelchair on his own for brief periods. But now, Sonny had started to suffer from phantom pains emanating from the area of his back where the muscle had been.

      Bri had told Rico about an incident during Sonny's therapy the previous day. Sonny had been standing at the parallel bars trying to walk. With each movement, the PT had seen the lines of pain on Sonny's face. He had pushed beyond his capabilities and had collapsed to the floor.

      The therapist and an aide had maneuvered Sonny into his wheelchair. Only then had Sonny complained of the severe pains in his back. He had hardly been able to speak through his tightly clenched teeth. But even as the therapist had called for Bri, the pain had subsided.

      Fielding had explained that merely standing balanced and upright required a great deal of muscle strength and coordination. Sonny had lost a part of the muscles used for standing and walking. His body would learn to compensate. But it was going to take time. Between the nerve trauma and muscle damage, sometimes Sonny's body would send random signals that caused intense pain, spasms and cramps. When the brain interpreted the signals as being from the 'missing' muscle, it was called phantom pain. When Sonny got upset or overtaxed himself physically the chances of the random signals occurring increased dramatically.


      As Rico watched Sonny swim, he knew without a doubt that no matter how long it took for Sonny to recover, he would be there for his partner. He could not imagine being anywhere else.

      Sonny surfaced next to where Rico sat.

      "Time to move partner, the whirlpool awaits."
      Sonny nodded, and Rico helped him out of the pool. There was a lift that he was supposed to use, by Sonny had found that he could make it out of the pool using the steps. The water supported him nearly to the top step, and Rico or an aide could help him out and into the wheelchair from there. Getting out that way made him feel less disabled and more independent.

      Rico wrapped the large towel around Sonny. "Are you okay?"
      "Of course." Sonny looked up at Rico. "You've done so much for me. I don't think this is in the contract, partner."
      "I'm not here just because I'm your partner. I'm here because I love you. And I'm not going anywhere, so don't worry about that."
      "I was thinking though, if you did want to go back to work...."
      Rico interrupted him. "I don't want to go back to work. I want to be here with you." He started to push Sonny towards the adjoining solarium, and the whirlpool. "Go jump in the Jacuzzi, Partner. You earned it." Rico stopped just before the door and leaned down. "Just lie back and think of me." Sonny smiled, and almost blushed. The aide who took over from Rico told Sonny that he looked flushed, and asked him if he was okay. Sonny assured her that he was, and shot a mock warning glance at Rico.

      As Rico turned to leave for Sonny's room, he saw Sonny being helped down into the warm water. For a moment, he thought how wonderful it would feel to be in the water with Sonny, holding him close and feeling Sonny's body press against him. He took a deep breath and left the solarium before it got any hotter.


      Rico pushed open the door of Sonny's room and stopped in surprise. Roger Travellyan was sitting in the chair by the bed. He stood as soon as he saw Rico.
      "I'm sorry, but I had to come."
      Rico let the door close behind him. "You've got twenty minutes. I don't want Sonny seeing you. He's been through enough already."
      Roger nodded his understanding. "I'm sorry." He sat again. "How is he?"
      Rico sat on the bad and picked Groggy up from the pillows. "He's doing well, considering the mess your friend, Bodelle, made of him."
      Travellyan shook his head, "I honestly didn't realize." He met Rico's unfriendly gaze. "Kym told me the names of the people he was dealing with. I didn't even consider that it could be you two. I thought you only used one set of names."
      "We hate to be predictable."

      Rico regarded Travellyan cautiously. The man had once saved their lives - probably saved Sonny's sanity too. But he had warned Bodelle that night, told him to be on the look out for anything suspicious. Bodelle had passed the information on to his over-zealous baby-sitters. And Sonny had wound up in here with six gaping holes in his body.

      "What do want Travellyan?"
      "I came to warn you. I've been with IAD for several days. There's this one guy - Strohe - he's after Sonny, and he wants him bad. It's personal. I don't know why but he resents Crockett. He offered to deal. He said he could help Kym..." Rico's eyes widened. "...*if* I told him what happened that night at Marcus's place. I didn't tell him anything. But he's going after the report."
      Rico shrugged. "There's nothing in the report. It's all been sanitized. I can't believe he would offer to help Bodelle."
      "He may only have been bluffing. The way I figure it, there's nothing that can save Kym now. I hope whatever *is* in that report, it's pretty believable. Because he isn't going to stop until he's got the truth, or at least, something he can bury Sonny with." He looked up at Rico apologetically, "Sorry about that."


      Travellyan was gone before Sonny returned. Not wanting to upset or worry his partner, Rico did not mention anything. Rico felt he had to protect Sonny from this mess. His partner was nearly at his limits already.

****

      Throughout the next week, Sonny's condition continued to improve slowly. One morning, Rico watched as his partner stood unaided for the first time in well over a month.

      With Bri at his side, Sonny slipped off the edge of his bed to his feet. Unsteadily, he stood without assistance. Sonny felt his back beginning to spasm, but so determined was he to do this, he just gritted his teeth and tried to think past the pain.

      Rico was standing few feet in front of him. That was his goal. He was going to walk to his partner. Slowly, he shifted his weight to one foot preparing to take a step.

      Bri immediately put his hand on Sonny's back. "Easy. Don't try to rush it, Sonny." But he saw the determination in Sonny's eye.

      With infinite patience, Sonny lifted his right foot and took a step toward Rico. Both Bri and Rico saw Sonny's left leg start to give way. Both were at his side, supporting Sonny to his chair before he could collapse. Rico found his heart was pounding wildly.

      There were tears of strain in Sonny's eyes, but he was smiling in a giddy fashion. "I did it!" Rico could only nod, too happy for words, waiting for his heart to slow down. God, Sonny could scare the hell out of him sometimes.

      Bri pointed a warning finger at his patient. "Please, Sonny, take it slowly. Okay?" But he, too, was smiling. "You're making great progress. Just don't push yourself too hard. It'll come. I promise. You just have to give it time."

***

      Rico left for the office when Sonny went down to his therapy session. When he returned to his room, nearly two hours later, Rico wasn't back yet. Having regained some of his independence, Sonny was not as bothered by Rico being away during the day. In the evenings, Rico would sit and read aloud or simply talk with him. Sonny liked hearing about ongoing investigations at OCB. He would fall asleep to the warm sounds of Rico's voice. Safe.

      Sonny figured that Rico probably got side tracked at OCB. He would be back later. Exhausted after therapy, Sonny settled into bed with the help of the aide from the solarium. His meds arrived and before his lunched appeared, Sonny was sleeping deeply.

      About an hour and half later, Sonny awoke. His lunch was still waiting for him, but he was not really hungry. Bland diets did nothing to stimulate his appetite. Rico still wasn't back. Still tired, he closed his eyes again. But without Rico there, he wouldn't get to sleep unless completely exhausted. He took a deep breath.

      Sonny knew that Rico had simply been delayed at the office. He knew that if he really needed Rico, he could call OCB. He also knew that the nurses had the number to call if they thought Sonny needed Rico. After many long weeks in the hospital, the nursing staff knew Sonny and Rico well.

      But still there was that faint niggling doubt in the back of his mind. What if Rico had found something better to do with his time than to baby-sit his partner? What if Rico had finally gotten fed up with just hanging around and taking care of him? He pushed the negative thoughts away. Rico would be back soon. He just needed to find something to distract him and help pass the time.

      Sonny's eyes wandered to the wheelchair. Using the overhead bar for leverage, he maneuvered himself to the side of the bed. It took considerable effort, but he managed to transfer himself to the chair without mishap. Grinning to himself, he grabbed his robe from the visitor chair and awkwardly put it on. He didn't notice that Groggy was entangled in the base of the material.

      Rico had wheeled him around on several occasions, so Sonny knew the layout of the hospital reasonably well. He's always hated being cooped up for long periods. Having the television that Joey had brought him helped a bit, but Sonny had never been much of a television viewer. He had never had the time before and now that he did, he really wasn't interested.

      No one really took much notice of another patient wheeling himself around. When Sonny got tired, he stopped and rested. The second time he stopped was just outside the pediatrics ward. The seat of the wheelchair had been feeling strange. He had tried to adjust it but it had not made any difference. This time, he felt around under the seat and pulled out Groggy. Smiling to himself, he tucked the toy into the side of his robe and wheeled himself forward.

      Following the sounds of laughter, he soon found himself in the children's dayroom. It was a bright, colourful room; obviously designed to make children feel happy and safe. The kids that were well enough were playing together. Others were reading or watching cartoons on the television.

      One boy, in particular, caught Sonny's attention. He was not playing with the other children. Instead he was sitting alone in a corner watching all that happened in the room. He reminded Sonny of Billy.

      Sonny wheeled over and introduced himself to the boy. He caught a glimpse of the name on the boy's id bracelet: Jamie Carenza. Jamie did not speak. He just stared at Sonny but then his attention wandered. He stared pointedly down at Sonny's wheelchair. Sonny followed Jamie's gaze and discovered Groggy peeking out from under his robe.
      He pulled the toy out and introduced him to Jaime. "Groggy, this is Jamie. Jamie, this is Groggy." Sonny smiled at the boy. "My friends gave him to me." He handed the plush alligator to the boy.

      Jamie still did not say anything but his face lit up as he accepted Groggy from Sonny. The boy smiled and stroked the green fur. Sonny looked around the room and spotted some books on a nearby table.
      "I was just thinking of reading Groggy a story," he remarked casually to Jamie. "Do you have any favorites you could recommend?"
      Jamie nodded and pointed to the pile of books. Sonny wheeled over to the table. Picking up one from the top of the pile, he showed the cover to the boy. "How about this one?" Jamie nodded again.

      Opening the copy of Roald Dahl's "George's Marvelous Medicine", Sonny started to read.

****

      Rico shot up and his chair went over with a bang. He leaned across the interrogation room table and stared at Strohe's bland face. His eyes sparking dangerously, he fairly spat, "You son of a bitch!" Strohe hardly blinked. "How dare you, how could you accuse Sonny of having *anything* to do with Bodelle? Crockett was admitted to the hospital with four bullets in him! Some setup!"

      Rico was frantic with worry. He had started to leave for the hospital hours ago when Strohe had turned up. It was as though he had been waiting for Rico to try and leave. Rico knew how much time has passed. It was well into the afternoon and he *had* to get back to Sonny.

      Strohe leaned closer into Rico's face. "Sit down, Detective."
      "Fuck you, Strohe." Rico headed for the door.
      "I'll have your badge! Yours and Crockett's!" Strohe was annoyed that he had not been able to intimidate Tubbs.
      His hand on the doorknob, Rico turned back. "In your wildest dreams! Just try it." He dared the IAD man. "Go in there and tell Castillo you want us suspended." When Strohe made no move to leave, Rico nodded. "You haven't got anything to pin on us, because there isn't anything! - Jesus Christ, man! Sonny nearly died trying to bring one of the bad guys down. It's a miracle he's recovering at all. And you want to fulfill some personal crusade against him?!" He slammed the door shut behind him. The glass rattled in the frame with the force.

      Rico stopped and picked up a tub of frozen strawberries and cream yogurt on the way back to the hospital. It was an apology for being away too long and it was a favorite of Sonny's so it was also a treat. Sonny's bland diet wasn't inspiring him to eat much.

      Rico spotted the untouched lunch tray the moment he entered Sonny's deserted room. Where the hell had Sonny been since this morning's therapy? He set the frozen treat on the tray table and made a quick check of the bathroom. No Sonny.

      He inquired at the nurses' station if something had happened to prevent Sonny from returning to his room. No one was even aware that Sonny wasn't in his room. Rico heart started racing; his anxiety increasing.
      "Alert security. I'm going to see if I can find him." Rico was down the corridor before the nurse could pick up the phone.

      Sonny was nearly half way through the story. A ring of children had surrounded his wheelchair. They were listening attentively. In front of him, Jamie continued to pet 'Groggy' while listening to the story.

      When the floor nurse came in to call the children back to their rooms for supper, one boy turned to Sonny. "Please come back tomorrow and finish the story." He looked so hopeful. "Please."
      "I promise." Sonny smiled and ruffled the boy's hair as he turned to leave. And he found he wanted to return. It was nice doing something to help others for a change. After being on the receiving end of so much love and caring, Sonny figured it was his turn to spread a little cheer.

      As the last of the children scattered, Jamie looked at Sonny seriously. For the first time, he spoke. "Were you scared when you came here?"
      "Yes, I was." Sonny nodded. "But there's nothing to be afraid of."
      Jamie considered this for a moment, then asked, "Are you still scared?"
      Sonny was going to shake his head, but something about the boy and the honesty of children stopped him. He nodded again. "Sometimes." Jamie started to give Groggy back to Sonny. "I tell you what," Sonny started, "why don't you keep him? So then he can look after you."
      But Jamie shook his head and pushed Groggy into Sonny's hands. "He's yours. You still need him." Jamie climbed down from the chair and touched Sonny's arm. "Promise you'll come back tomorrow? And that you'll bring Groggy?"
      "I promise Jamie."
      The boy smiled happily and took the nurse's hand as they headed back to his room.

      Sonny placed the book on the table and started to turn the wheelchair around. The spasms that ran through his back were agonizing. He had been sitting in the chair for far too long. Not wanting to bother a nurse, Sonny sat, gritting his teeth and waited for the spasms to subside. Suddenly, he realized how very far away the trauma unit was from pediatrics. He was exhausted. And he missed Rico.

      Rico had barely managed to restrain himself at the doorway to the dayroom. He had been so relieved to find Sonny that he had wanted to just rush over to him. But Sonny had had his back to the door and Rico could see the kids all listening to him read.

      So Rico had hung back just watching and listening. Sonny did not read to the kids like an adult reading to children. He was reading to them as if they were equals. The kids responded to this. They could sense his innate honesty. They could feel his love. And they returned it multi-fold. There was a certain dignity, independence and strength of character that Sonny still possessed after nearly two months of dependence and recovery in the hospital.

      Sonny was fine. Rico chided himself for being so over-protective. Sonny was in the hospital. He was in the best of hands if something did go wrong. Rico knew he worried too much, but Sonny was just too precious to him. It was difficult to let go.

      As Rico leaned against the door, he felt a painful stab of anxiety. What if Sonny no longer needed him once he had recovered? What if he went so easily back into his old life that he decided that he did not need Rico around? Rico closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He tried to push his worries away.

      Their relationship had started far before this nightmare had obliterated their usual daily lives. Sonny had loved him as much as he loved Sonny. Sure before all this had happened, the attraction had been there. But now, it ran far deeper than he'd ever dared wish. Rico was certain that Sonny felt it too.

      When the children had started back to their rooms, Rico had moved towards Sonny. But when he heard the boy's quiet question, and he had stopped. As Rico watched Sonny nod his head the second time, he had felt tears stinging his eyes. He saw Jamie hand Groggy back to Sonny, and leave with the floor nurse. Sonny had moved to the table to put the book back.

      Rico heard Sonny's gasp and knew immediately what had happened. He had been around far too long not to know what Sonny's reactions were to different pains. Not wanting to embarrass Sonny, he strolled casually over.
      "So, Sonny, here you are." Sonny looked up with obvious relief and Rico returned his smile. "Had enough gallivanting around for one afternoon?"
      "Yeah well, you know me, the 'man about town.'" Sonny shifted trying to relieve a bit of the stress on his back. "Or at least, in this case, 'hospital'."
      "What'd you say we head back to your room and grab a little supper?" Sonny was not fooling him. He could easily read the pain and exhaustion in his eyes. "I brought you a surprise."
      Sonny nodded and tried to relax as Rico wheeled him back to his room. God, he was so glad Rico was back. He had missed him terribly.

      When they arrived back at Sonny's room, the lunch tray had been exchanged for the dinner tray. Sonny's back had continued to spasm throughout the trip from pediatrics. Rico was starting to worry. He was not going to wait for a nurse to help. He stopped the chair next to the bed and set the brakes. Then slipping one arm under Sonny's shoulders and the other under his knees, Rico easily lifted Sonny onto the bed.

      "Jesus, Rico, you're going to hurt yourself doing that." Sonny shifted position trying to get comfortable. "But thanks, the chair did me in this afternoon." He simply could not get comfortable.

      It had scared Rico to realize just how light Sonny had felt when he had picked his partner up. "Here, Sonny, get on your side and let me see if I can massage that spasm into submission." He watched Sonny move to his side. "Then you need to eat some supper. It looked like you'd skipped lunch." He started to gently press and roll the muscles in Sonny's lower back.

      "Not hungry." He heard Sonny mumble. Finally, the muscles were starting to relax. A minute or two later, he heard Sonny sigh in relief. "Thank you. You're a lifesaver."

      Rico grabbed the tub of frozen yogurt and waved a spoonful of the strawberry scented treat under Sonny's nose. "Come on, Sonny. Don't let this perfectly good dessert go to waste."

      Sonny opened his eyes warily. "What is that? It smells like strawberries."
      "Strawberries and cream frozen yogurt." He handed the spoon to Sonny and set the tub within easy reach. "As a matter of fact, I think I'll join you." Rico located a second spoon in the bag and dug out a mouthful of yogurt.

      "This tastes heavenly. Thank you."
      "You're welcome." Rico smiled at seeing Sonny get another spoonful. "I figured you could do with something that had a little flavour. I've sampled some of the stuff they're feeding you."

      Sonny licked the spoon. "Was everything okay at OCB? You were gone a long time."
      "Yeah, everything's fine. I'm sorry."

      Sonny captured Rico's hand in his. "Don't apologize, please. I just thought... if there's something that you need to do at work, you don't have to hang around here."
      Rico sighed, "How many times have we been through this? I just got caught up with something."

      Rico did his best to keep his anger at Strohe and his worry about the investigation hidden. But Sonny could read him very well after eight years of partnership. He knew something was wrong by the look in Rico's eyes, and the tone underlying his voice. "Rico, what's wrong?"
      Rico squeezed Sonny's hand. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine."
      Sonny sat up, sending a series of spasms through his back. He grimaced. Rico set the yogurt on the tray table and leaned forward putting a firm hand on Sonny's shoulder. "Lie still, Sonny." But Sonny was not listening. He was agitated.
      "Don't lie to me Rico. I know something's wrong. What is it?"

      Rico took a deep breath. "Nothing you need worry about."
      "Tell me." Sonny insisted.
      "It's Strohe."
      Sonny seemed to be thinking for a moment, trying to place the name. "IAD guy? Complete bastard. Hates me."
      Rico nodded. "That's the one."
      "What about him?"
      "He's just poking around in things he shouldn't be."
      Sonny rolled his eyes, it was like getting blood out of a stone. "What's he after?"

      Sonny was not going to give up. Rico did not want to have to explain further. He did not want to bring all the horrible memories to the surface again. But he could not lie to Sonny. Sonny would not be fooled.
      "He's been poking around the Cintaro case." Rico hoped that by selectively telling the truth he could protect Sonny from the worst. Sonny had not yet mentioned Travellyan and if that name could conceivably open the flood gates for more memories to hurt Sonny, Rico was not going to risk it.

      However, the mere mention of the Cintaro case was bad enough. Sonny seemed to collapse in on himself. Rico leaned close and put his arm across Sonny's body.
      "It's okay. There's nothing for him to find. It's all been sanitized." But the look of terror and shame in Sonny's eyes remained and it tore at Rico.

      "It's not as though I could be any more ashamed than I already am.... I just don't want others knowing...."
      Rico thought his heart would stop from the ache he felt for Sonny. "You have *nothing* to be ashamed of."
      "He raped me.... I should have fought harder.... I should've...."
      "Sonny, that wasn't your fault. There's nothing you could have done to stop it from happening. You would have been killed. And there's nothing Strohe can use."
      "I feel so... childish. It's humiliating."
      "Why?"
      "I'm so dependent on you.... So damned needy."
      "Only because you have to be. You haven't got a choice at the moment." Rico wanted Sonny to understand that it was okay to be needy sometimes. "After everything you've been through, I'm just glad that you're here to *be* dependent on me."

      The tears were hot and stung. They pulled Sonny's attention to his inability to control his emotions. "Look at me, Rico." He pushed away from his partner. "I'm so useless...."

      Rico sat up on the bed next to Sonny and pulled him into his arms. Gently with his presence and voice, he soothed Sonny as he had so many times before. "No one is going to find out anything. Believe me. Castillo won't let them hurt you. He cares far too much for you to let it happen." Rico stroked Sonny's back softly. "So do I. I'm here for you, Sonny. I'll protect you."

****

      Bri stepped into his office to find Strohe seated in his chair.
      "Doctor Briam Fielding?"
      "Actually, I prefer 'Bri', as it says on the door. And because it says that, it also means that this is *my* office and that is *my* chair. Would you mind getting the hell out of it?" Strohe stood, chuckling to himself. "Thank you. Now who are you?"
      "John Strohe, Internal Affairs Department, Metro Dade Police." He seemed rather enamoured with his title. "I'm here to interview Detective Sonny Crockett. I'm going to question him anyway, but as a gesture of goodwill, I'm asking your permission as his physician."

      Something about this man set all of Bri's suspicions off. He had grown quite protective over his miracle patient.
      "I'll need to check on Sonny's condition. If you could just wait here."
      "Of course."

      Bri hurried to Sonny's room and pushed the door open. His heart melted to find Rico sitting on Sonny's bed, his partner wrapped in his embrace. Sonny was sleeping with his head pillowed on Rico's thigh.
      "Is he okay?"
      "I think so. A guy from Internal Affairs is investigating the Cintaro case. Sonny knew there was something up and I had to tell him. It upset him."
      "I think I may have your Internal Affairs guy sitting in my office." Bri was very glad he had heeded his instincts. "John Strohe?"
      "Yeah, that's him."
      Bri could not help but smile as he watched Rico continuing to soothe Sonny. He was stroking his hair and back as the man slept peacefully.
      "He wants to talk with Sonny."
      Rico's voice hardened. "He's not going to."
      Bri nodded. "I'll get rid of him for now."

      "Officer Strohe," Bri closed the door behind him. He tried his best to look apologetic as he said, "I'm afraid Detective Crockett is in no condition to talk right now. He had a rough therapy session today and had to be medicated for the pain. He's sleeping. I can't let you disturb him."
      Strohe nodded. He did not seem convinced, but he did not push the matter. "I understand. I'll come back in few days." His voice took on a mocking edge. "Maybe then Detective Crockett will be ready to talk to me."

      After Strohe left his office, Bri rang down to security and asked them to discreetly ensure the Officer left the building. Fielding then returned to Sonny's room.

      The doctor leaned against the window sill, watching the sky darkening as the sun set.
      "He'll come back, Rico." Bri pitched his voice low so as not to disturb Sonny.
      "I know he will." Rico looked down at his partner. 'Fast asleep in this dangerous world.' The line suddenly came into his head. He would spend the next hour trying to figure out where it he had heard it before. Holding Sonny like this was like holding a sleeping child.
      "I just want to protect him from all of this." He spoke softly. "He's been through too much already. Strohe would badger Sonny until he cracked. He doesn't have enough control over his emotions yet. He hasn't had time to rebuild his defenses. He's not strong enough to deal with that bastard."

      Sonny shifted slightly, his hand coming to rest on Rico's arm. On impulse, Rico leaned down and kissed Sonny's fingers. Bri smiled to himself. Just being in the same room with these two filled him with the sense of warmth and love.
      "Rico, do your co-workers know about you two?"
      Rico shook his head. "Only Stan. And he doesn't know everything. It was all just starting when this nightmare began."
      "Are you going to tell them?"
      Rico shrugged slightly, not wanting to shift Sonny from where he was obviously comfortable. "I guess we'll have to at some point. Castillo's not going to be thrilled."
      "How did Stan take it?"
      "Surprised. I'm not really sure. I told him when we were out at the boat, while Sonny was in surgery." Bri nodded, he remembered. "I think he sort of understood."

      Fielding pushed away from the windowsill. "I'll leave you two alone. You need to think about Strohe. Unless you can prevent it through official channels, you'll have to let him talk to Sonny eventually."

****

      When morning arrived after an eternity, neither Rico nor Sonny'd had a particularly restful night. Rico had read to Sonny most of the night as his partner simply could not seem to get comfortable. Thoughts of Strohe badgering Sonny, kept Rico worried and awake.

      Sonny's eyes were deeply shadowed when he was taken down to therapy, but he still insisted that Rico get out of the hospital for awhile. Smiling, Rico had assured him that he would stop by the boat to check on Elvis and then go into OCB.

      Kyle O'Hallaran, the caretaker of the Bal Harbor marina, had been feeding Elvis regularly. But it was obvious that the alligator was missing Sonny, when Rico discovered that the digital clock was missing from the bedroom. He had poked his head above deck to check on the 'gator and saw Elvis had his stripy sheet securely clamped in his jaws. He only did that if he was sulking.

      "You're missing him, too." Rico patted Elvis' snout and descended below deck again. He had really wanted to come here to catch some sleep, instead of home, because even after two months of absence, the pillows still smelled of Sonny.

      Rico kicked his shoes off, pulled his sweater over his head, and snuggled in to bed under the sheets. He closed his eyes, breathing in Sonny's scent. Slowly, the gentle rocking of the boat against its moorings, lulled Rico to sleep.

****

      That morning's therapy was long and painful for Sonny. Despite his exhaustion, Sonny kept pushing himself. He had nearly fallen asleep in the whirlpool in spite of all the aches and cramps. As he was being wheeled back to his room, he recalled his promise to Jamie - to go back and finish the story. Well, maybe after a little sleep, right now Sonny did not trust himself to even be able to read clearly. Tired just did not cover it.

      His midday meds were brought in as the aide was helping him into bed. He curled on his side, the most comfortable position still, and was asleep before lunch arrived.

      A loud metallic crash penetrated his drug enhanced stupor of exhaustion only twenty minutes later. So deeply asleep, he did not even try to open his eyes to see what had happened. He shifted a bit on the bed and unconsciously sought out Groggy from under the pillows. His breathing slowed as he loosely held onto the stuffed alligator.

      A second loud crash. This time Sonny opened his eyes, agitated. He frowned up at the stranger standing by his tray table. Sonny did not want all this interruption. He wanted to sleep. Under the influence of the medication he really did not have much choice. His eyes slipped closed again.

      Strohe smiled as he dropped the tray for a third time. It was ridiculously easy to read the confusion and growing fear in Sonny's eyes, when he struggled awake a third time. There was no recognition in the bleary green eyes that blinked up at him.

      John Strohe moved to the head of Sonny's bed. He smiled down at the confused man. It was just felt so good to torment this smug hot-shot vice cop. He wrenched the stuffed toy from Sonny's grasp.

      A pained cry escaped Sonny's throat. His fear now growing, Sonny still had to struggle to keep his eyes open. He could not focus on what was happening. His only clear thought was that Rico would protect him. Yet even through this disturbing confusion, the drugs pulled him relentlessly towards sleep. He found it impossible to keep his mind focused. Why was this person doing these things to him? He so much wanted to sleep....

      Bri found himself in the trauma unit and decided to check in on Sonny. He often found himself going out of his way to check on his miracle patient. What he glimpsed through the door window, shocked and horrified him.

      As he watched, the IAD officer ripped Sonny's stuffed alligator from the drugged man's grip. It was easy to see the hurt and confusion in Sonny's face. Bri was certain that Sonny was in no shape to greet even pleasant visitors.

      Strohe backed away from the bed, startled, as Fielding pushed to door open. The doctor's anger was nearly palpable. Bri snatched the plush toy from Strohe's hands.

      Fielding turned to his patient and gently touched his arm. "It's okay, Sonny. Take it easy." Sonny was fighting the meds now, fear-induced adrenaline keeping his eyes open. "You're safe now. Go back to sleep. You won't be disturbed again."

      Sonny reached tentatively for the stuffed alligator. Bri gently placed it in his hand. In his confusion, Sonny saw the toy as being important. It meant safety. Happy, now, Sonny slowly sank back into a healing sleep.

      As soon as Sonny drifted off, Fielding rounded on Strohe. Pointing to the door, he simply said, "Outside."

      In the corridor, Bri backed the IAD officer against the wall. "What the hell were you doing?!" His anger was nearly a physical force. "Why did you take that toy from him?! What kind of childish act was that?!" But Strohe didn't say anything in return.
      "Sonny had a bad night and rough morning. He's in a lot of pain. He's exhausted and he'd just been given his meds. Did you think you could question him in this state?" Bri generally believed in the basic goodness of man, but with this guy he had his doubts. "Or were just trying to upset him? Torment him?"

      Strohe still remained silent, not defending himself or his actions. This only annoyed Fielding even more. "The next time you want to talk with *my* patient, you get *my* permission. And I want Detective Tubbs present."

      Fielding stared hard at Strohe. "Is that clear?" Strohe merely nodded. "Good. Now leave. I don't want Sonny disturbed again today." Fielding watched as the officer strolled down the corridor. He shook his head. What drove people like him? Bri checked on Sonny and then satisfied that his patient was asleep, headed back to his office.

****

      Rico returned a short time after Strohe's departure. Unaware of the earlier disturbance, he sat by Sonny's bed. God, his partner was gorgeous. Rico settle back into the chair. He had discovered weeks ago, that he could simply be contented to watch Sonny sleep for hours on end.

      With a light finger, he moved Sonny's soft blond hair back from his forehead. Sonny snuffled in his sleep, but did not wake. 'So beautiful.' Rico thought to himself.

      Rico wanted to cover that face with kisses. Again, he found himself wanting to pull Sonny into the protection of his arms. He wanted to keep all the hurt away from his partner. He sighed. It was impossible. All he could do was be there.

      Bri looked up at the knock on his office door. "Yes?" He stood when Castillo pushed the door open. "Lieutenant Castillo, come in."
      "Please, it's Martin." He closed the door and sat in the visitor's chair. "You wanted to see me?"
      "Yes. Thank you for coming." Bri frowned. "There are a couple of things we need to discuss." At Castillo's nod, he continued. "First, there's an Internal Affairs officer, John Strohe?" Bri saw Castillo's eyes narrow in recognition.
      "He was here yesterday wanting to interview Sonny. I refused to let him and he left." Bri could feel some of earlier anger returning. "About an hour ago, I found him in Sonny's room." Castillo did not look happy with that bit of news.
      "Sonny's was sleeping. Sedated." At Castillo's questioning look, he explained. "His morning therapy sessions leave him exhausted and in a great deal of pain. When he returned to his room, he was given his meds and went to sleep." Fielding sighed. "Strohe was simply... aggravating him. I don't like my patients being disturbed like that."
      Castillo's eyes flashed dangerously. "I'll deal with it."
      Bri nodded, relieved. "Thank you."
      "You said there were a couple of things?" Castillo prompted.

      "Yes." Bri paused. "It's about Sonny returning to work. Obviously, we're talking about several months down the line here. Sonny's got at least another couple of weeks in hospital. When he's discharged, he'll still be on medical leave for about six weeks. Then light duty, desk work, for another two months." Bri spread his hands flat on the desk and looked up at the Lieutenant. "That's only a rough guess, of course. It all depends entirely on Sonny's progress. Most people, who are brought in with the types of injuries he suffered, never go back to work." He left it unspoken that most people would have died. "He's damned lucky."
      Castillo nodded. "We all are."

      Bri smiled. It was good to know that his patient's boss cared for him. He continued. "When he does return to active duty, there may be some potential problems. Not just with Sonny, but also Rico." At the look on Castillo's face, he hurried to explain. "Understandably, Rico's become extremely protective of his partner. And I know he's trying to take a step back, but it's difficult. He came very close to losing Sonny. They've been through hell. If Rico thinks it may happen again, he *could* become very unpredictable." Castillo nodded. "Sonny, on the other hand, still hasn't remembered exactly what happened that night. He's also a very determined person and he'll be pushing to get back to work as soon as he can." Castillo continued to listen. "However, the first time anybody aims a gun at him, his behaviour may become just as unpredictable. He may remember. He may not. He could be just fine. He might crumble. And *don't* think that testing this is a good idea."
      Castillo frowned. "Why?"

      Bri leaned back a bit. "Last year, a homicide detective was wounded. He was in here for a month. I had this conversation with his Lieutenant." He paused. "Two days after the detective returned to duty, his partner was admitted with a bullet wound. Turns out the partner thought it would be a good idea to see what would happen if someone did pull a gun on my patient."
      "He shot him?"
      "Yeah." Bri shook his head at the memory. "His partner said that he'd never seen him pull a gun that fast before. They'd thought he would just crumble,