by (Siubhan)
All characters in this story are copyrighted by Paramount Studios. What is done to them is copyright 1996 by Jennifer Pelland. You may not reprint, archive, or in any way publicly distribute or make available this story without my express permission.
This is heavily inspired by Plaidder's "Karaoke Night at the Slash Cafe"
Karaoke Night at Sandrine's
"Karaoke Night, eh Harry? This was a neat idea."
"Thanks for letting me hold it in Sandrine's, Tom."
"No problem. Who's handling the sign-up?"
"I am," Janeway burred with an impish smile. "Line up, one at a time, and request something in private. I'll be at the back table over there."
"Welcome to Karaoke Night, ladies and gentlemen!" Janeway gushed as she stood on the bar, microphone in hand. "I've got all your requests and we're ready to start."
"Get off my bar!" Sandrine groused as she swatted at Janeway's ankles with a dishrag.
"Computer, delete Sandrine," Janeway quipped. "All right, as Captain, I'm taking the prerogative to start off this night. Computer, begin my selection. This is dedicated to a certain someone I was abandoned with not so long ago. You know who you are." And with that, she launched into a throaty rendition of "Talking in Your Sleep". Chakotay turned bright red and tried to hide under the table, but Janeway wouldn't let him get away. "I hear, the secrets that you keep, when you're talking about blonds in your sleep!" she howled.
The song ended, and everyone hooted and applauded, except for Chakotay, who merely muttered, "I can't believe the computer didn't have 'Mad Pilot' in the database."
Janeway bowed deeply, then with a flourish said,"And now, your favorite first officer and mine, Chakotay."
"Thanks. Well, I wanted to sing a song to clear the air. Here goes. Seska Jean is not my lover. She's just a girl who claims that I am the one. But the kid is not my son."
"Genetic testing might prove otherwise," the Doctor muttered under his breath to no one in particular.
"That was lovely, Chakotay. And we all believe you too - not! Next, I'd like to introduce our very own Tom Paris."
"Thank you, thank you," he said as he leapt up on the bar. "This song goes out to that same special someone that the Captain was stranded with. I hope that person likes it." The lights dimmed momentarily, then strobe lights started flashing as guitars blazed. "Rebel rebel, you lost your ship! Rebel rebel, you've got pouty lips! Rebel rebel, how do they know? Hot damn, I want you so!" The audience went wild. Tom gyrated his way through the song, bowed, and was immediately snagged by Chakotay once he stepped off the bar and into the inky blackness of the audience.
"That was lovely, Tom," the Captain enthused. "Now our very own Harry Kim!"
"Ahem. Thank you, Captain. Wow, it's hard to see in here. It's really dark. Anyhow, this song is my way of expressing how I feel about someone, someone I've been too shy to talk to before now, but I hope this song says all the things I've been bottling up. Computer? Ahem. Six foot two, eyes of blue, kootchy kootchy kootchy koo. Has anybody seen my guy?"
"He's necking with Chakotay in the back!" Dalby hollered.
"Oh. Um...I think I'm going back to my quarters," a teary- eyed Harry replied as the music continued to play and he stepped off the bar. The Captain resumed her place on the bar with a slightly mournful look.
"Sorry Harry. He who hesitates, you know. Well, on what I hope is a slightly more upbeat note, here's our favorite Engineer, B'Elanna Torres!"
"Hi. I'm not much of a singer, but I just had to get something off my chest. I...well, I think I was falling for Seska, and then she ripped my best friend's heart out and started working for the Kazon. And that pissed me off. So here's a little cautionary song for all the lonely hearts out there. Computer, play 'Devil Woman', speed metal version. She's just a devil woman! With evil on her mind! She's just a devil woman! She's gonna get you!" When she was finished, she tossed the microphone aside in disgust and stormed back to her seat.
The Captain gracefully took her place back on the bar and said, "Thanks for sharing, B'Elanna. That was lovely. Kes and Neelix were going to regale us with a song, but I regret to inform you that the computer doesn't seem to have 'You Light Up My Life' on file anymore. I don't know what happened."
"How about 'I Got You Babe?'" Neelix bleated. Janeway cast a panicked look at B'Elanna, who was furiously working at a console on the wall. The words "file deleted" flashed across the screen, and B'Elanna looked up at the Captain with a huge grin. Janeway stifled a sigh of relief and turned mournfully to the couple and said, "Sorry, looks like that one got lost as well."
"Neelix, we can do it without music. Come on!"
"All right, sweeting!" Groans erupted all across the holodeck.
Twenty minutes later, they finished. Janeway, looking fairly shell-shocked, stepped back up the bar, saying, "Well, thank you Kes and Neelix for forgetting how the song ended and singing it over and over again until you remembered."
"You're welcome!" Neelix sing-songed back.
"I believe Mr. Tuvok had a last-minute request. Tuvok?"
"Thank you, Captain," he crisply said as he stepped up to the bar. "As many of you know, every seven years a Vulcan goes into ponn farr. It has been six years, eleven months, twenty four days since my last one, and I must say, I am beginning to feel rather randy. So I would like to sing a medley of popular ribald songs. Computer, please begin with 'Do Me'. These songs are dedicated to no one in particular, but if any one feels moved by them, I would invite them to visit my quarters in seven days." Tuvok managed to get through "Do Me" fairly dispassionately, but by the time he'd gotten through "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?" and "Like a Sex Machine", he was getting rather loose. Launching into "Closer", he punctuated the song with groin grabs and pelvic swivels. In the background, Chakotay could be heard singing along to the chorus: "I wanna fuck you like an animal!", and Janeway swore she heard Tom bark back. Tuvok finished the song with a rather stark expression on his face, like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "I am in control of my emotions," he muttered to himself. Neelix was on his feet applauding like a madman.
"Amazing, Mr. Vulcan! Truly amazing! I *knew* you had emotions!"
"Bite me," Tuvok growled as he exited the holodeck. Janeway followed him with hungry eyes and had to bite her index finger to snap back to reality. The flush in her cheeks was obvious as she took the mike back.
"Don't anybody worry about Tuvok's ponn farr," she said. "It'll be taken care of. Any last requests?"
The Doctor stepped forward. "Actually, I have a song I'd like to sing."
"Certainly." She handed him the microphone and stepped back.
"This song is dedicated to my programmer, Dr. Louis Zimmerman, wherever he may be. Computer, play 'Mother Mother'."
"This should be interesting," Kes muttered under her breath.
"I'm grumpy, I'm balding, I'm losing my mind...EVERYTHING'S FINE!!!!" the Doctor screamed, years of pent-up frustrations pouring out. "I'm lonely, I'm snippy, I'm bored to death...EVERYTHING'S FINE!!!!! I miss you. I hate you."
"Well, that was spirited," Janeway said as she reclaimed the mike. "Unless anyone else has a request..."
"Wait!" Henley shouted. "I have something I need to sing!"
"Be my guest." The sassy, headbanded Maquis took the mike in her hand and scanned the crowd. "Harry's right. It is hard to see in here. Well, I've been trying to work up my nerve as well, and I'm a little tipsy, so I figure, what the fuck. Might as well get this off my chest now. I'm just gonna be blunt. No beating around the bush." She took a deep breath, then in a gut-wrenchingly pleading voice wailed, "B'Elanna! You've got me on my knees! B'Elanna! I'm begging darling please!"
"How could I have been so blind?" B'Elanna gasped as she dragged Henley off the bar and to a dark corner of the holodeck. "Well, it seems that we're out of time," Janeway twinkled. "I'd like to thank Harry, who isn't here right now, for setting this up."
"I'm back, and I want to sing 'Yesterday'!" he cried.
"No, and that's an order," Janeway barked back. "Thank you all for coming. See you on the bridge!"
The (merciful) end
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